Okay, At first the concept of having 4 weeks off University, even up until two/three days ago was amazing...
Now I'm all for being silly and over the top and slightly eccentric (I'm a drama student its in our job description...)But now...I feel like I'm starting to go slightly crazy....
I feel restless...
My mind is in over drive (cue the constant blogging the last couple of days)....
I feel like I just wanna chat nonstop...
Everything I say is just a stream of rubbish, silly voices or singing....
I keep picking up The Doris and dancing around with her...
I dont feel like I can sit still...
I need to get back to University, to Lisa's acting lessons (or Body, Mind and Voice if you wanna get technical...), where everything is let out in a stream of crazy movements, over the topness, shouting and stamping and laughing and jumping and galloping around the room singing about riding ponies....and where being insane is completely normal...and encouraged!
But then insanity seems to be everywhere I go...I think it's affecting everyone...for example at Lloyds the other day having dinner with the girls, there was a lady behind us with such a loud crazy laugh we were in hysterics everytime she laughed...it was epic...or bent over double in the cinema corridor with my cousin yesterday who was so desperate for the toilet she literally couldn't walk....the more she laughed the worse it got...the worse she got the more we laughed til I was almost sobbing...
Even working at good old Lloyds tonight...there were wet curry covered cloths being slapped around faces, hands being slapped across the back of heads (hahahaha good one Kayleigh...), Glasses of water being thrown at eachother, Soda from the Pepsi/Lemonade/soda water nozzle being sprayed at faces...tops....trousers...shoes....and this was from the staff!!! Honestly it was like working in cross between a Nursery and a Loony bin ;] I just face insanity wherever I go...Jolly good fun though!
Be crazy...and have fun...
Loves xx
I found this whilst browsing for a piece of text for an assessment at Uni, I thought it had a lot to say about life and meaning and la-de-da, so I will share :)
A Creed To Live By
Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.
Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you're going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
By Nancye Sims
Loves xx
For some reason the ability of sleep has left me.
The last few nights the hours have just ticked by, 23.00....00:00....01:00....with no sign of sleep.
Its times like this that my brain goes into overdrive...cue the reason the majority of my blogs are written at such a crazy hour!
Writing Blogs has become rather theraputic for me, I use to love English and writing, but then I hit the GCSE/A-Level English stage...when it became about Grammar, Poems, Annotating, Nouns and Verbs and blah-blah-blah, it stopped being a way of self-expression and a chance to let your imagination run wild, the element of it which I most enjoyed and am starting to get back through writing blogs.
I've even started thinking recently (well okay tonight...) that I'd like to write a story, I don't know what about, or who for, but after getting a kindle for christmas I've become a bit of a reading nerd - I really want to get back in to reading/writing again, when I was a kid I would constantly have my nose in a book..Jacqueline Wilson especially (who's books I'm still prone to reading even now...in secret of course!) but then the world of 'Msn' and 'Bebo' and 'Going out with friends' came along and I kind of lost interesting in reading for a while. Now there's only so many depressed/repetitive/boring facebook statuses I can read before the concept of a good book becomes a lot more exciting.
However Facebook has become handy as a way of sharing my Blog with people; the majority of the time I try and type about things that I hope will entertain people...and I do feel happy when people tell me they have read and enjoyed my ramblings (even though a fellow work colleauge at work the other day [YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE] told me that they only read my Blog to find things to give me 'stick' about...) it makes me feel like my efforts haven't gone to waste. However there are certain times when I feel the need to write just for the hell of it...not to entertain or amuse anyone...just to type and get my thoughts out, purely for my own purpose. I dont tend to link those blogs on to my Facebook...they are resigned to the dark-depths of my blog, to be stumbled upon by randomers who are just passing by to read (hopefully) much more entertaining news....even if it does involve getting joy out of my misfortunes ;)
First up, Happy New year everyone! I don't really know if anyone reads my blogs, so I may just be inflicting best wishes upon myself...but there you go!
Christmas was lovely, had a really nice Christmas Eve and Day with various family members, however in the early hours of boxing day morning it all went horribly wrong, when I woke up in the night with a gurgling stomach, a feeling of dread and a strong urge to be sick...which I was, three times as a matter of fact. So what gave me this bug..was it bad turkey...no...was it alcohol...no....was it the result of a bug passed on from an adorable 2 year old cousin; the most scrummy, sniggly, smallest person in the world who I'd had attached to my hip the majority of Christmas eve. Yes it was. My gorgeous Tilly-Rose (or TillyBoo...) had passed her bug on to me..She passed it on to my auntie who was ill christmas day, when I text my Auntie boxing day morning to say I would not be seeing them that day as I also had the bug..she replied that my nan and other lovely little cousin had been up in the night with the same symptoms as me (puke..basically..) - when I rang my dad he told me that he too had the dreaded bug. Major bad times - this basically meant that for the Halford family, boxing day was a complete puking-fest wipeout; I spent the day lying on the sofa watching films, sleeping and swearing at the fact I could not go out and eat chocolate and spend money in the sales, however by next morning I was fine, along with the rest of the Halfords and Boxing day was celebrated a couple of days later...Lovely :)
Reflections:
Several reasons why 2011 was lovelyyyy :)
Doris: My Beautiful Yorkie-Poo puppy, She was barely bigger than the Guinea-Pig when we got her, literally - despite the disagreements over her name, I did have to eventually agree that Doris did suit her..and now she couldn't be anything else! I love everything about her, the way she chases her tail, the way she tears around the house as fast as her little legs can carry her, the way she goes 'Awoooooooo' when we sing to her, The way she sniggles under my neck in bed and the way she gives me little kisses and cuddles when I am ill or upset :')
Bench Theatre: Missed my train so got a later train, bumped into Egg on the train who convinced me to come and audition for Bench Theatres 'Daisy Pulls it Off' - after some persuasion I agreed and went a long that night feeling sick and ready to run away. However as soon as I read the script and auditioned, I instantly fell in love with one of the characters Trixie - I loved her scattiness and over-enthusiasm and had great fun auditioning for her including the 'spiffingly posh british accent' that was required and I was delighted to get the part of her :) Those few weeks rehearsing for the show were the most fun I have ever had with a show; It was amazing to work with a cast that was hugely female based and in a slightly more adult cast to what I have previously performed with - Nearly every rehearsal included being hysterical with laughter and the fact that those weeks were spent running around acting like over-excited 1920s school girls having midnight feasts, Hot water bottle fights and singing made it amazing fun! The performances went so well and I am so happy to have met all the lovely people I have there and created a whole new social circle!
University: Despite the fact people were cynical about the fact I was staying home to attend University I am still extremely happy with the choice I made. Mainly because the course and the people on it are so amazing! I love the social side of it and the bond that the group have already formed through performing together. I love the fact that we can go and do whatever we want, we can express ourselves however we want through acting...and no idea is too obscure - I'm so happy there and it has made me even more determined to work in acting professionally :)
I feel like I have learnt a lot about myself this year; I've got a lot more confidence, I've learnt that instead of being scared, throwing myself in the deep end can often have good positive results, I have learnt more about where I want to go in life and although it seems scary I seem a lot more prepared and almost more 'mature' to be able to deal with what the future holds. I've learnt that life isn't always easy and every now and then something comes along and throws you off track, but that you have to stay positive and look ahead to a positive conclusion and then work out what it is you need to do to reach that conclusion, I've learnt that you just have to be yourself, the people who accept you for it are the people that matter and the people who obviously most deserve to be in your life, And finally I've learnt that the issue of following Head or Heart has no real answer, you need both, your brain makes you see things practically and your heart tells you how you truly feel. You just have to use elements of both to make your decision - dammit for not being that easy ;)
Resolutions:
As I said to me Mumma yesterday, "I'm not going to say..as of tomorrow I am going to eat healthily...no crisps, chocolate, fatty foods etc etc...because I know I'm not" Every year I come up with these kinds of resolutions, this year I haven't - merely for the purpose that they do not work, maybe for people with willpower, they would work, but for me personally..give me cake any day!
The only resolutions I have this year are to Do more performing stuff, chase more opportunities, live life to the best and most fun I can and appreciate every moment <3
(...oh and maybe try and tone up a bit, intensely moisturize everyday, pass my driving test, become super-organised and keep my room tidy................)
xx
Okay I haven't written for a while. There's been lots of scrappy bits and pieces going on, but nothing worth dedicating it's own blog to...well I could of but it wouldn't have been very exciting...So anyway here is what's been going on...(drum roll please...)
My Essay: Yes I finally finished it, it took a week and a half, one changing the question, one lot of scrapping everything I'd written, several hours in the library, a couple of near misses, several outbursts complaining about the stupidness of the essay, university in general and myself and one set of tears of frustration and I got it done :) I don't know if what I have written is right, whether I have gone about it in the right way, or whether I'll pass, but finally posting it off and signing my name off the list was the best feeling ever!
My hair: I've finally plucked up the courage and dyed my hair red, I've been moaning for ages about my hair, since its come back to its natural colour after dying it brown three years ago its been such a dull boring colour, I tried making it blonder and it had no really affect, I wanted something a bit quirky and vibrant, so I got some 'very berry' hair dye and slapped it on...it went red, but still not as red as I wanted it to be, so a couple of days later I bought a red toner from superdrug..at £1.29 I did have my doubts at how well it would work, I have a bad history of these kind of things in the past = Year 9 + Naturally blonde hair + Mahogany Toner = ORANGE hair), It said the tube of it should be enough for three goes and should be left on for 5 minutes, so naturally I used 2/3rds of it and left it on for twenty minutes...If my hair wasn't red enough before...it definitely is now ;)
Jobby Jobby Jobby: Woohoo I finally found a new job, I love working at Lloyds and have such a laugh there, but I've been needing to find another job to do alongside it, seeing as I have no university for a month and am currently on a £60 loan from my mother. I had my first shift at Superdrug yesterday and loved it...the till was very easy to grasp and I enjoyed serving people - the pays not great but it still an extra bit of cash a week which will help me so much, woohoo!
One of the best things about Christmas is my favourite people are home, in particular Rachel Delooze, We went down to Wests last night - a big bunch of us, I only had £10 to spend and didn't think that this would be of much use, however on discovering a bottle of wine was £7.99 I thought about things economically and figured I would get a much larger Alchohol intake for my money by buying a bottle, as opposed to two drinks at 4 pounds each which would not have as much success...I was right and a jolly good night was had by all ;) despite the fact I woke up at half past six with a tounge like a slug that's just had a tub of salt poured over it...dried up and crispy (yummay)
But...there has been a lot of not a lot going on, mainly due to my financial situation there have been a lot of days that have consisted of lying in front of the telly all day.. Jeremy Kyle, This morning, Loose women, Relocation Relocation, May the best house win, Come dine with me, Coach trip - definitely been on a Daytime tv overload in the last week...and as for the chocolate I've been eating, I'm going to have to be rolled into University when we go back in January - but I am LOVING the time off - woohoo!
I get paid on friday, so hoping I can finish my last little bits of Christmas shopping, very excited for Christmas, lots of exciting stuff planned with all the people I love :)
Loves xx
Zzzzzz....eeeep feeling so fuzzy headed today, I think my body is still recovering from Saturday nights drink-a-thon and 4.30 am finish (but more of that later..), followed by 6 hours of rehearsals, uni rehearsals, seven hours sleep, uni assessment and essay writing...But now I find myself, at home, in my room, on my bed, heating on, nice and shnig waiting for dinner, exactly where I want to be :']
Had a fair amount going on this last week, mainly writing this stupid fecking essay for University, Whoever says that all Drama students do is doss needs a kick. A hard one, it aint no doss! It requires so many skills, Confidence, Imagination Team work and so many hours of dedication!..The whole reason I took Drama is because I don't consider myself to be an academic person, don't get me wrong...I knew that essays would be involved of course I did and compared to other peoples courses we've been so lucky with the written side of the course, but it's still just so mehhh. When I'm in the mood to chat and discuss I can talk and talk and talk...thats's why I've got a blog, buuut ask me to critically analyse and research etc etc my brain just goes 'Huh?' - but i'm getting there slowly but surely, I just hope I'm writing the right thing, I do have the habit of drifting off track slightly...I know it doesn't really account for much, but I still want to do well!!
Went up to London on Saturday to see Dreamboats and Petticoats with the best friend and her mum and sister, I've become a musical theatre nerd in the last few years and really enjoy it, so I was very excited! Overall it's not a bad show, The vocals and stuff were good but not the kind to blow you away, all the songs were old sixties songs, so I did't know all of them - however two thirds of the theatre were over 50 and sang and danced along to songs that they had grown up too which were so sweet to watch. It is strange though, I couldn't imagine a show in 50 years featuring songs from the Noughties..Rhianna, Jessie J, Lady Ga Ga, Nicki Minaj...I dread to think what kind of show that would be!!
Saturday night came so it was time for a classy night out in Littlehampton with the best friends and her friends, we stopped enroute at the kebab shop for some food - we wanted to get a kids meal to share with eachother, but apparently they were for under 10's only, I know I look young but I don't think I could pull off being that age. Off to the George where we went on to get drunk very quickly (probably for the best when you're out in Littlehampton!) and then went on to Coco Lounge, one of those places that is soo bad that it is good! Where we went on to drink even more..including smuggled in Vodka and Orange (three of us crammed into a toilet cubicle knocking it back...classy!) and £1 shots - So overall a very drunken but brilliant fun night!
Its nearly Christmas - eeeeeep, My bank account is dismal at the moment - I get a pay day friday and then a slightly bigger one the following friday, I have a feeling that last minute shopping on the 23rd will be required. Applied for several jobs in the last week, Butlins, Vue Cinema (where I use to work), Next...so many places. I had a missed call from Santas grotto the other day, so I rang them back, I am on the Elf reserve list, they must have had an elf fall ill (or maybe they couldn't cope with the screaming children...) but anyway, I was very excited at this concept and rang back...but by that point they'd already given the job to someone else as well..dammit. Though I hear its a dangerous place to work...bad 'elf and safety...*ba boom chhh!*
Very excited about next saturday, performing in a christmas concert with TA productions, We had our last rehearsal yesterday before the tech, it's all very christmassy and fun, Singing a duet with the lovely Becca Anderson [Faith Hill - There you'll be...] - Just hoping I dont let the nerves get the better of me, in the last show I sang my first big solo and that was an amazing buzz, so I'm feeling positive :) Though the family couldnt make that show so this will be the first time they hear me sing properly.. Its an emotional song and the lyrics mean a lot to me, So i'm hoping I dont start blubbing on stage - singing with a snotty nose and blotchy face, not a good look!!
loves xx
Despite the fact I was very proud earlier of the fact I ACTUALLY went to the Uni library and ACTUALLY printed off things to read before my massive essay writing mission I am about to undertake like an intelligent student that knows what they are doing..There are many things I should be doing right now...
- Reading up on my essay...
- Writing my essay...
- Writing my actors book...
- Job searching...(still staying at Lloyds but need more hours man!)
Like I said...SHOULD...be doing, but I'm not...obviously, I'm doing everything in my power to distract myself from doing any of the above...'Tidying my room', sorting out Christmas presents, ordering free prints of pictures for my ever growing wall collage, writing a blog and waiting for my mum to come back from the shop with chocolate (despite the fact since yesterday I have eaten 2 Wispa Bars, Half a pack of chocolate biscuits, Half a box of Maltesers, a bag of aero bubbles and 4 Kinder suprises [which in all fairness are very small..]) and now...wittering away in a blog. (Okay i've just realised in my quick 'pre-post scan that i've written that twice, but as it backs-up my title..I'll keep it in.)
I dont know what it is that is making it so hard to get motivated at the moment, I think the year has caught up with me, its been absolutely manic (but more of that in what will no doubt be my end-of-year-reflections-30th-December-2011 blog...) but my concentration has hit an all time low, For example, I find myself zoning out when people are talking to me, it's not that I'm being rude or ignorant, I've always been one for a good chit-chat, but I just suddenly find myself drifting off, then I catch myself out and have to snap myself back into it and force eye-contact and say something coherent that forms some kind of response to what they have just said and that is realistic and suggests I have been hanging on to their every word...
Another example of my ever declining lack of concentration is at work, I've suddenly found myself in the habit of repeating everything the customer says...several times, not normally an issue (albeit slightly irritating) - 'cept i still get the order wrong every now and then...hmmm.
There's just been so much going on, but its uni that's wiped me out, there is just so much to think about and consider, I now regret all the times I moaned about A-Level work!!
I am absolutely buzzing for the Christmas holidays, I LOVE uni (okay I know i said slightly different in my last blog but that was a bad week okay?!) but the concept of 3/4 weeks off is just heaven, I'm so excited for some of my favourite people to come home from Uni!! Rachie, Rosie, Sir Eggicus...I cannot wait to see (and in Eggies case ABUSE) them all again - eeeee!
This is a break that's definitely needed for me, as my wise mother once said to me (imagine this being said in a voice just like mine but deeper and not as babyish) "You need to spend less time DOING and more time BEING!" - and I actually see her point, sometimes you can spend so much time doing things and rushing around thinking about too much, that you forget to just spend time relaxing in your own thoughts, and just being - wise words Mumma Halford (you can obviously see where I get my intelligence and words of wisdom from ;] )
Now I'm off to do some of previously mentioned tasks that I should be doing...as soon as I've eaten the phish food ben and jerries that mumma has bought home and finished watching 'I'm a celebrity - coming out'...hmmm one more night off wont hurt...and if my mother complains...well...she did say I should spend less time doing, I'm just following her advice ;) [though i'm sure i wont be feeling so sarky tomorrow when i'm one day closer to my essay deadline and panicking...]
xx
