Religion.

It's reading week, Woohoo!
And I haven't done any reading yet....Boo!
But I will, I will!
I'm just making the most of spare time...
Its something I've recently found I have.
I finally handed in my notice at Lloyds...
I may have already told this story, or at least briefly mentioned it. But I can't remember.

When I did my last shift at Lloyds, I didn't know it was going to be my last shift, which is probably a good thing, or I'd have got all emosh.
Basically I worked on the Saturday, handed my notice in on the monday, Had no shifts down for that week and so that was it, I was done.
Luckily my last shift there I was in a foul mood, I was over-tired, Extra-Ratty and closing floor, which made handing in my notice not too hard.
Although I decided I'd miss the people there, that wasn't enough of a reason for me to stay - I was just fed up of being tired all the time and having to rearrange plans and never knowing if I would be free for things. Sooo it was bye bye Lloyds!

Free time means Lie-ins...Huzzah!
And that is what I was having this morning, until I got rudely awoken at Half Ten by a hammering on my door...
"Was that the door?!"
"I think so..." *
I should have ignored it, but our letting agents often send people round to fix things in our house without us knowing, so I assumed it was something I had forgotten - almost confirmed when I heard male voices outside...
Cue a mad dash with eyes still pretty much shut and in sleep mode..
"Oh god where's my bra?! I cant open my door without a bra on....where is it?! Okay is there a cardigan down there I can have..."
- Manage to get Cardigan on over Pyjama top -
Stumble downstairs...
Spend 30 seconds trying to get sticky front door open through closed eyes....finally get it open...people have gone, but turn around a walk back up the path...
Stand there in Pyjamas...
Hair scraped back....
No make-up....
Morning Breath...
And eyes still uncapable of opening the whole way, not helped by the brightness of daylight...
Incapable of speech...

"Hello, we have come to speak to you about God - and his amazing and wonderful ideas through these great times of hardship..."

"...? Nyuhhh, uh thats good, uhrgh okay...Thank you...."
" Here is a leaflet..sorry for waking you up..."
"..nyuh okay bye."
Close door.

I waited until the door was shut to say what I truly thought...
And God probably wouldn't have approved at my choice of language...
However, it was more at the idea of being woken up so suddenly, than to him personally.
If I had been more awake - I'd probably have been able to form sensible sentences. And say "Thank you for your time, Whilst I appreciate what you are doing and admire you for being so commited to your beliefs, I don't actually believe in God, or any form of religion. I think for something that is meant to be good, it causes way to much conflict in the world."
Okay that's what I like to think I would have said, I don't think I'd have been brave enough though! Which is silly really, if thy are brave enough to come round and talk about their beliefs, I should be able to do the same!!
Oh welllll, it was probably time for me to get out of bed anyway. (Hmmmph)

* I had Mini McFarlane stay overe last night, I wasn't just having a conversation with myself!

Loves
xx

Running (and falling)

I've started blogging again a bit more recently,
As you've probably noticed - being the one who reads it.
The thing is I really want to take my writing further, But I'm not too sure how...
I've even sat with a blank word document opened in front of me a couple of times...
But no inspiration has hit me..
I've even googled Blog-writing competitions, Just to make blogging a bit more worthwhile...
But they don't seem to exist.
All I have found are writing competitions...
"Write a story in less than 1000 words with one of these as the title..."
*THE MAN WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR*
*AS THE CURIOUS TREE BLOWS*
*HELP, MY CAT IS MOOING*
So on so forth.
So until I find a sudden burst of inspiration - these rambling rambles will have to do.

It's a Friday night and I really want to be out.
But I'm going out tomorrow night.
I would happily go out tonight AND tomorrow night.
However, money does not allow it.
Well I could...
I have an Overdraft - But I prefer not to use it..
Okay that's not strictly true...seeing as I am in it..
And using it to fund my night out tomorrow...
But if I went out tonight I would be even more in it.
Aint nobody got time for that.
For once the sensible part of my brain is ruling the YOLO side of my brain.
I better make the most of it, It doesn't happen too often.

My Legs are dead.
A couple of years back when I was still at Sixth Form I was walking up the concrete steps at the train station in my ugg-wannabe boots that completely cave your feet in, when I kicked the step and lost my footing and ending up sprawled out face planting the stairs, with my hood over my eyes and my bag looped round my arm -  there were a few people around me and I just stood up and carried on like normal and hobbled on up the stairs.
I did the same today.
I was in a rush this morning - I woke up at 09.32 - I still managed to get quickly washed/ make-upped/dressed/out the door and shuffling through the shop doors at 09.58 - what a pro.
However it did mean that I was in 'Amelia's name badge and Pollys size 7 shoes because I couldn't find my own. Stupid too big 7 shoes meant as I went running up the stairs at work the exact same thing happened. SPLAT. SPRAWL. OOFT.
This time however it was accompanied by a bit of swearing and a majorly sore toe.
I have weird feet anyway - my big toe sticks inwards at a most unappealing angle, and I have some bumps on my feet that I should probably get checked out but I am too scared to because they will be bashed about even more - and they are shy anyway.- So yes sensitive feet did not appreciate being slammed into a stair and sulked on me for the next half hour with a nice painful throbbing.
I thought I'd got away with it as well until a voice from a managers office called out "Who just fell up the stairs?"
Hmmmph.
(There you go Kayleigh, I mentioned you, Just because I know you always read my blogs and that last time you were mentioned...you felt famous. So here you go. You can feel famous again....Enjoy it. #Honoured)
However it's not just falling up the stairs that has done my poor legs and feet in.
Oh no.
That was just the tip of the bunion. (OKAY THAT'S GROSS I'M SORRY)

I've started running...I say that - I've been out twice since Tuesday...
For about 15 minutes round the block...
But hey it's a start okay?!
It's because I bought some new trainers - I NEVER wear trainers.
I live in long tops, dresses and cardigans -
Nothing that an added trainer would compliment.
However I must say they are rather nice...
And suprisingly comfortable...
And they've got something in them that makes them good because when I run in them something supports something that does something or something.
I kind of tuned out when the man in the shop was talking....
It is good though - even though I nearly die everytime I run...
My legs kill...
I go an interesting shade of purple...(hahaha I totally just wrote Paper instead of Purple...)
And I wanna Vom...
But hey I'm sure by next week I'll be on half marathons!
Watch out Olympics 2016 - I'maaaaa coming!!

Loves
xx

Crying and Laughing.

Last night, I got in from work...or make that the early hours of this morning,
Because I have a rare Sunday off today...woohoo, I decided to cook some potato wedges and catch-up on Eastenders...Potato Wedges at 01.45 in the morning, terrible.
It was a fairly emosh episode, poor old Zainab having to admit that her marriage was over, before driving off late at night in the back of a black cab, with the old twinkly theme tune playing as it zoomed in on Masood standing on the pavement waving her and their son off with tears in his eyes, before showing her breaking down in the back seat - in true Eastenders style.
And I cried.
I bloody cried.
When I was a kid, I always use to mock my mum for crying at stuff on the telly, I didn't understand how you could possibly cry at something that wasn't real.
Then in Year ten I went to see Blood Brothers with my drama class, it was so amazing - I cried the whole way through the second act and by the time the big finale song was being sung by the distraught mother, as her two sons lay dead on the floor I was absolutely sobbing.
That must have triggered something...
I've suddenly become one of THOSE people - who cry at the smallest things when watching things either on the telly, or in the cinema...

I cried when me and polly went and saw Billy Elliot and he sang a song reading from a letter his dead mother had left him (Polly says I was the only person in the theatre crying at that bit and laughed at me. I CAN'T HAVE BEEN!)

I cried when I watched the Notebook...

I had to sit with my scarf stuffed in my mouth to stop myself from sobbing out loud, when me and mumma went to watch Marley and Me and poor old Marley had to be put to sleep (though to be fair you could hear people sobbing from all around us...)

Myself and my cousin Devon got all teary watching a documentary round our grandparents the other week, there was a baby seal who's mum had abandoned it, it kept going up to other seals and trying to nuzzle them for milk and being batted away :(

And the worse was the other week, when home alone, late at night, for some mad reason I decided to watch 'The boy in the striped pyjamas' - It was horrific. I was just a sobbing heap on my sofa, so much so I was tempted to turn it off, but I only had 15 minutes left, so I watched it - was made even more upset by the fact they ended up dying, then was too traumatised to go to bed so stayed up watching my Family Guy DVD for most of the night, to calm myself down and think happy thoughts...

But then I don't just cry easily at emotional stuff..
I cry with laugher, So easily...
To the point where I only need to giggle a little bit and my eyes fill up...
And then people say "Oh my god, you're actually CRYING with laughter!"
And I have to wipe my eyes and say "Argh, I cry so easily when I laugh, even when it's not even that funny"
Although it is a bad thing, crying so easily - because it makes it look like I find simple things really funny.. (okay I do..)
It's also good...I love a good laugh, I find it just the most stress-relieving relaxing thing.
Ocasionally it backfires...

Like once at Superdrug, I was on tills with Simon and Curly...and I got the giggles.
I got the giggles real bad.
To the point where I was pretty much laughing in customers faces...
I had to keep apologising for my laugher..
My voice kept wobbling as I spoke and I had to keep doing small coughs and apologising and repeating myself..
Luckily, you get the customers who take it and laugh along with you...
But you always get the ones that are most disapproving...

Unfortunately for me, laughter always seems to strike at the wrong moment, and it's when you are aware that it is at the wrong moment, that it is made even harder to control.
Take the other night for instance, I went out with some people from my course, we started out at Lloyds and then went onto Thursdays, between the group of us we varied between sober to absolutely wasted...
4 of us were in the taxi home, 2 of us were left..Myself and Niland (who was on the slightly drunker end of the scale) - Unfortunately we had ended up with one of those taxi drivers that is lacking a  sense of humour, and was rather short tempered with us. He headed for my road and turned a sharp corner, at which point Niland shot off her pull down seat and ended up in a heap on the floor, without being able to stop herself.
As if I wasn't amused neough by that, the taxi driver instantly slammed his brakes on, turned around in his seat and furiously asked 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?!!!'
I completely lost it, unfortunately being the most sober of the two of us I had to apologise and say 'I'm so sorry...she fell out her seat as you went round the corner...'
Even though it was more 'Hahahahahaha I'm - so so-so-sorry, hahahahah she - she - hahahahaha she fell out her seat - hahahahahaha as you went round the corner hahahahahahahahahahaha'

He did not appear to have a sense of humour...
Nor to be the kind of person that liked people...
Least of all giggling people...
Which to be fair...
Just made it even funnier.
Muhahahahaha.

Loves
xx

Life as a Single Singleton. Take me out...to Sheiks (or not..)

"Taz...there's a girl in my class who is going to be running a thing like 'Take me out....'
*Silence as I pour my soup into a bowl...*
"It's going to be called 'Take me out to Shieks...'.."
*Silence as I eat a few spoonfuls of it (I like cold soup, I know - weird)*
"Like take me out but you go on a date to Shieks..."
*Silence as I put it in the microwave...*
"They need Ten boys and Ten girls..."
"Right...where is it held?"
"Down the SU...."
"Is there loads of people there?"
"Only people who come and support you..."
"Right...when's this...?"
"Not til April, do you want an application form?....."

Conversation with the housemate approx. 16.30 this afternoon.

And so this is apparently what my current lack of love life has come to.
*Sigh*
I will have to hope that I fall lucky by April.
I cringe at the thought of it.
Especially those final questions...

"If you were a Disney Character who would you be?"
"Umm...Dory from finding Nemo...Because I'm unintentionally forgetful and easily confused..."

"If you were a Harry Potter Character who would you be?"
"Ummm...Neville Longbottom...Because I'm unintentionally forgetful and easily confused..."

"If you were an animal, what would you be?"
"Umm... A Goldfish...Because I'm unintentionally forgetful and easily confused..."

You see where I am going with this.

Hmmmm.

I'm not sure if I care enough about being single to go on a fake version of a TV show that I sit mocking whenever it's on the telly..."Honestly how would you resort to something like this?!"
Though saying that having someone would be lovely.
Even to be saved from the conversation with my grandparents that is coming oh so predictable.

"So Tazzie...have you not got yourself a boyfriend yet?"
"No...Not yet..."
"Are you not really interested in boys then?"
"No, No! I am! - I just haven't met anyone special yet..."
"You will love...you will"

Thing is, it's so complicated nowadays, you can't always (or always want to....) explain it...
It's not just a case of 'either being in a relationship where you are completely involved with a guy...or not being in a relationship and therefore having nothing to do with any guys at all'.

There's a getting with someone on a night out for no reason other than you are drunk and getting on well and it's all funny and silly and harmless...(or in my mums term: snogging. Which I must say is the worst word ever. urgh) - Been there done that.

There's the liking someone but them not liking you in that way... - Been there done that.

There's the someone liking you but you not being keen on them.. - Been there done that.

There's the times you think you might like someone and then it fizzles out...- Been there done that.

...or it doesn't fizzle out, then you end up so confused and annoyed by it all, it does fizzle out because it's not worth the hassle... - Been there done that.

There's the times you come close to getting close with someone and then freak yourself out at the thought of it becoming anything more than what it is and so you abandon ship... - Been there done that.

See.
Confusing Shiz.
How can I possibly put that into words?
My best bet is a simple "No not yet..."
And hopefully one day it will be a "As a matter of fact yes..." (Dear god please make it soon for my own sanity...)

Not that I ever would say "As a matter of fact...."

When it happens, it happens.
If it means I have to spend Valentines day down the pub with my equally single housemate for now...so be it ;)

It'll happen when it happens...

Loves
xx