Lampshades down the stairs and blinds in the cupboards...

At the moment I am struggling slightly with the concept of 'Home'
I have 'Home' where I live...now...and I have 'Home' as in old Home...where I used to live...but it's not really old Home...because I still feel like it is and always will be my Home - even if it is not the Home that I am neccesarily living in...Whereas living in my actual Home, still sometimes feels like some weird surreal adventure that will end soon and life will suddenly become 'Normal' again - well as normal as my life ever can be (That isn't very...)
So you see...struggling...

I am very much enjoying living in Chichester, as I have mentioned many a time, however it's only fair that I mention the struggles we have had...the struggles that have me breathing a sigh of relief as I return to Home-Home and don't have to think about them for a few nights...things such as...

* The fact that our front door does not always open - not the handiest of things for a front door to decide it does not want to do...many a times I have gone to leave for work in a rush and found myself trapped in my own hall way...However with a bit of anger and a mild kicking...it will open...most of the time...

* The fact that our internet has still not arrived, we've only waited patiently for about 6 weeks, however according to the Orange lady, it will be up and working by tuesday..huzzah!

* The fact that we have had a landline put in...got a new telephone number...and forgot the concept of buying an actual telephone....

* The fact that our lounge blind is currently chucked in the cupboard in the lounge after falling down when I went to close it the other night...accident? yes it was. The need to buy curtains for our lounge has just increased by a hundred million percent....

* The fact that..similar to the above...my lampshade is currently at the bottom of the stairs after I booted it down them to teach it a lesson after it fell on my head for the kazzilionth time...it is now even less likely to stay on my ceiling...and I doubt it will recover from it's down-the-stairs injuries (I'm a terrible person)

* The fact that sometimes our TV gives us every channel...and other times treats us to an exclusive small group of channels... BBC 1...BBC2...BBC3...CBBC....Cbeebies.... - sometimes being left with the choice of Sport...Sport...Repeat...Tracey Beaker...Come outside can drive us to the point of insanity...at least we have our DVDs to watch....except it does not currently have a remote, so the ability to skip, stop, rewind and fast forward as pleased is pretty much non-existent...

So yes...despite the fun, there have been a fewwwww minor issues...
Still - We will learn to sweet talk out front door, our internet will be here soon, we will buy some curtains and a house phone, I will buy a new lampshade (but not a paper one...no more tap dancing flies!) and our TV will either get a grip on life, or we will sort it ourselves (somehow) and calmness and order will be restored to the house...
Ahhhhh how perfect...I'll believe it when I see it though!

Loves
xx

"The inner fairy..."

So I found this blog half unfinished (or half finished, either/or I guess!), Saved on my laptop whilst reading through old documents, (reading through old documents on my laptop, sounds very exciting, doesn’t it? It’s amazing what fun-filled things you are driven too when you have a laptop but no internet…10 days 10 days 10 days!) And decided that I wanted to finish it off, especially for youuuuuu… *okay I’ve pretty much just retyped the whole thing...but the basis was there…*

Whenever people talk about me, to me, I always say that I prefer to use the word ‘Eccentric’ to describe myself, because it sounds so much better than ‘Weird’ – which I guess I am slightly. Or maybe not. I think ‘Eccentric’ basically means that your way of thinking, or talking, or being is ‘Different’ (maybe slightly more…ummm…Airy Fairy/Scatty/Chaotic…)– I don’t think just because something is different means that it’s weird, it is just ‘Different’… ‘Unintentionally weird’ I guess – which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just perhaps slightly different from the norm… ‘Eccentric’ – Okay I’m going round and round in circles here, I’m struggling to explain myself; but you know what I mean – and if you don’t…just pretend okay??
So yes, I think I’ve always been unintentionally eccentric (though I think I have embraced it more as I have gotten older, Since I have finished high school and therefore stopped having to act in a way that isn’t true to who I really am, in order to avoid the fear of going to the B block toilets during my lesson and having the Skivers in there stare and comment at me in such a way, that I’d have to pretend I was only there for a tissue so I could escape as soon as possible and then spend the rest of my lesson dying for a wee... could have been worse I guess…) – My mum was told by my Year 3 teacher that I was Eccentric, So it was bound to have an effect sooner or later…

Speaking of my mother, I think I definitely get the mildly airy-fairy approach to life off of her, Myself and her are in tune with one another in a way that has become so normal, it doesn’t even freak us out anymore. We can finish one another’s sentences, We can say the exact same thing at the exact same time, We can tell what the other one is thinking or meaning without saying a word just by looking at each other in a certain way I guess, (though I’m not too sure what that certain way is, it just happens when it happens) and we often*sigh* or make the same random noises at the same time, especially if we are watching something on TV or listening to the radio in the car… We do silly things like narrate our rabbits in their hutch as we stand watching them..saying what we think they may be saying to one another based on what they are doing...I’ve always kind of thought that silly things like that were done by everyone...apparently not…this was proved when I slept over at Rachies house a few weeks ago, when her fat cat Ollie casually strolled through the lounge and found himself fall victim to my habit of narrating life…

(For this beautifully composed extract, I will be providing the voices for both Ollie…and myself…)

Me: Ollie you fat cat…

Ollie: Noooo, I’m not a fat cat, Silly human who do you think you are?? (look he could have said something more exciting okay? I know! But I was improvising and therefore on limited time….)

Rachie: Taz…………..are you talking to yourself?

Me: No – I was narrating the cat…….

Yes. Slightly Doolally. I know. (I cannot be the only one who does silly things like that people?? Please back me up…share your weird-ness – we are all friends here!)

But; to be fair, I think the slightly doolally approach to life is good, it’s good for people who want to look at things with a slightly different view, otherwise it would just be really boring. I mean, Life is good and I enjoy it and all, but it’s pretty routine-y – I work at the drug that is Super 4/5 shifts a week, I work at Lloyds 2/3 shifts a week, I eat…sleep…work….pay  rent…get drunk….work…sleep….eat….work…get drunk…work…sleep…eat pretty much on a cycle; So if things have to be given a slightly more interesting approach to get by on, why not? Some people join in on that approach with me, some people find it endearing and let me get on with it accepting that it’s who I am, some people  (okay when I say SOME people I mean MOST of the people I work with…both jobs included…it’s a hard life being so misunderstood *sigh*)  tease me (in an affectionate way…) endlessly about it… - and others in the past have probably been ready to beat me up over it (B Block Toilets skivers, I’m talking to you…)

I think a lot more people in the world would be happy, if they just relaxed and embraced their inner fairy – though  maybe not science teachers…mine sent me out for laughing on more than one occasion, I don’t think telling him to ‘embrace his inner fairy…’ would have gone down to well…or maybe just teachers in general avoid that one….and maybe bankers as well…especially  the ones who tell you that you aren’t allowed an overdraft because you’ve already gone into it too many times and essentially can’t be trusted…if they don’t believe that you went into it by accident…on both occasions…they are highly unlikely to believe that they have an inner fairy, or have any desire to embrace it….oh well, their loss!

Loves
xx

Shots, Torrential Downpours, Mega hangovers.. hashtag YOLO.

To start things off can I just say I hate the expression YOLO that everyone is suddenly using...to those of you who don't know it means You Only Live Once...and is rapidly becoming one of those overly used expressions...

Just ate a huge chocolate cake for pudding - YOLO!
Just bought some new shoes, they were expensive - but YOLO!
Just dyed my hair green, bit mad I know but...YOLO!!

You get the general idea...
However...the other day...I did experience my first YOLO moment of life...I'm not proud to admit it, but it definitely called for some YOLO declarations...

Just got absoloutely wasted at Thursdays and then got off the bus in the most horrific rainstorm at 3 am which I then ran through without any shoes on laughing hyserically whilst running through puddles....YOLO!!!!

I supose I should go back to the very beginning...
Evening started civilised...meal with the famalam...famalam drop me home....famalam are shown around new hosue and given a cup of tea...famalam leave...Me and Maddi get bored, decide at 22.30 we want to go out for the night...go to vestry...meet some people...get the bus to Thursdays...and this is where we can begin properly...

I'm not normally a fan of T's...normally I go, end up with aching feet, moan about the expensive drinks, moan about the pervy guys, go home, have a kebab and go to bed...but this time it pains me to admit it I reaaaallly enjoyed myself, they seemed to be playing quite good music - there were only three of us there (in our group I mean, not in T's, though that would be quite cool..or maybe just weird I dont know...) Me, Maddi and her friend, a nice enough guy, but who's name I cannot remember (i'm a terrible person) so will refer to as Guy for the duration of this blog....so we arrived and decided to get a drink, they are normally quite expensive there, but do 4 J-Bombs for £9.95 which Guy got us in a round of, then we decided to dance some more, then we decided we wanted more alcohol, and Guy bought us in another round of shots...and this is pretty much the routine for the whole night, I did feel bad about the amount of shots that were being bought for us (there was a lot...) but everytime I tried to offer money it was declined with 'Dont worry I have a full time job...' (though I did manage to buy him a drink by the time the night was over which made me feel a bit less guilty...) - But anyway the shots were being knocked back pretty rapidly...Pink Sambucca, Jager Bombs, Sourz...and what with the drinks that were being drunk between shots whilst we danced we all got pretty intoxicated rather rapidly...

So suddenly the night was over and we were on the bus back home and I was starting to experience that happy but giddy 'god my head is spinning feeling'...It was that point that I decided to make a phone call, like you do..perfect timing, I decided to phone Phipps from work, for some reason I had it in my head that he was likely to be awake despite the stupid hour, 'because Lloyds doesnt close til eleven thirty' (the stupid justification my head was giving me...)
I don't really remember much of that conversation..but the facebook status written on his profile after that conversation:

*ring ring, ring ring*
 "Hello?"
"Hiiiiii!! Did I wake you up?"
"Yes Tasmin. It's half three in the morning"
"Oh ok, just checking"
 *Hangs up*
...Suggests that I wasn't quite in the position for a civilised conversation....

Anyway so we get off the Thursdays bus and it is absolutely hammering it down...like not just raining, torrential downpour,  I've never been in anything like it..Me and Maddie are in our high heels, I'm in a fairly short dress and denim jacket...it was absolutely mad, it reached a point where we were completely drenched through...hair..clothes...shoes...makeup, I took my high heels off and the three of us just RAN, I had clear tights on but we were just running straight through ankle deep puddles, I've never been caught in rain like it, but obviously because we were drunk it seemed to be THE MOST HILARIOUS THING EVER...(which is when I experience the drunken OMG THIS IS SUCH A YOLO SITUATION) moment inside my head...I dread to think what the neighbours would have thought looking out the window if they had seen us...2 girls, 1 in barefoot and one guy, racing down the road in the hammering rain, stumbling over, splashing through puddles, drenched through (whilst still being careful not to stand on any snails...) squealing and bent over double from laughing so hard..

Finally managed to get home, crashed into bed (still pretty wet but at least pyjama dressed) and crashed out...until my alarm went off for my 10.00 shift at the Drug that is Super three and a half hours later, urghhhh - I felt SO rough, it took me two attempts to leave the house, the first time I got halfway down the road I felt SO cold in my dress and cardigan that I had to go home and get changed into my other work uniform, I had the absolute shakes, I was convinced it was from getting caught in the rain, I could not stop shivering, but I have my suspicions now it was probably just a majorly bad hangover, which is why I turned up for my shift in a vest top, fairly thick jumper, TWO cardigans, my skirt and tights on still shivering and feeling VERY sorry for myself having not had any breakfast due to extreme queasiness.....
So, not the best way to feel for a very busy saturday shift..but like they say...
YOLO!

Loves
xx

"There's a fly tap dancing on my lightshade..."

So – It’s a Monday – Well I say that, It’s probably a Tuesday now that you are reading this, or maybe even a Wednesday – Lack of internet means I am still having to scrounge off free internet at Lloyds, however my Blog-Writing brain is slightly temperamental and does not always work when I want it too – which means when it does strike, I have to type out on good old Microsoft word and then do a bit of copy and pasting later on before the moment passes and my mind goes blank…

With today being Monday it means I have been living out of home for exactly four weeks. On one hand it feels like it has flown by, but on the other hand it feels like I have been out of home for ages. To be fair it’s just gone by in a whir of shifts at the Drug that is Super, Alcohol, DVDs, General randomness and junk food...I’m coping rather well, I did have my fears about moving out, but I’ve adapted to it pretty much instantly and I enjoy being able to do things at my own pace and in my own steady time…. (Let’s say ‘Steady’, sounds so much nicer than ‘Slow’)…

So….Things I’ve learnt since moving out of home…da da daaaaaaaaa:

Food goes off:  Before I moved out of home and was panicking over how much life was going to cost me, one of my main concerns was paying for food…my first payday here I went to Iceland and managed to get a good load of shopping and was pretty impressed when it cost me only £23…3 weeks later and I have just had to empty our fridge which was starting to smell pretty funky…Gone off chicken pieces, gone off bacon, Mouldy bread, Mouldy chocolate spread (yes really) – it was not very nice and made me realise that I don’t eat as much as I originally thought I would, which is good for my bank balance I guess – But does mean I need to start planning what I buy a bit more…which is just more thinking stuff to think!

I enjoy cleaning:  Indeed. You read that correctly.  I HATE tidying, when it comes to my room, the mess seems to appear just from me entering the room, but when it comes to actual CLEANING, I have found it very satisfying on a couple of occasions, cleaning the kitchen, wiping down the sides, putting everything back in the right place…making it look all shiny and lovely. I also had an impulse the other day to Hoover the whole lounge and even the stairs and the landing, however I feel this is a novelty that will soon wear off…

I’m a trailer:  Although I was aware of this when I was at home, it was always controlled by The Mumma, telling me to take all my stuff upstairs so it isn’t in the way…however here without those orders, I have become a trailer. For those of you who don’t know what a trailer is (to be honest I just came up with the term) it is someone who has the ability to leave a little bit of everything everywhere they go…for example I come in and kick off my shoes in the hallway…I then go into the lounge and dump my cardigan and into the kitchen where I put my bag on the side…It’s the same upstairs as well, at first I had all my makeup and things like that on my desk in my bedroom, whilst around the bathroom sink was some neatly placed toothbrushes and shower gel…However now our bathroom sink is just surrounded by bits of make-up, hairclips, cotton wool pads, cleansers, toners, body sprays, hairspray….where my morning beauty regime alternates between my bedroom and the bathroom, depending on what I’m doing and what light I need to do it in….Working at the Drug that is Super does not help, being surrounded by these kind of products every day AND getting discounts on them, definitely means I have become a beauty products hoarder…

I can cope:  Biggest shock of all, but as previously mentioned, I am surviving a lot better than I thought I would, nothing has gone toooo majorly wrong for me and Maddie since we have been living here – and any issues we have had…Front doors not opening/ Not having a landline/ Sorting out banking issue/ Paying off bills – we have managed to resolve ourselves…wooohoo! (Okay so there has been SOME scatty moments, buuuuut hey they don’t matter, I’ve still survived ;])  *

“There’s a fly tap dancing on my light shade….” – This was a realisation I had the other night. In my room there is Light…and on that Light is a Light Shade…A light shade that is made out of tissue paper (probably not literally….but that’s what it looks…and feels like…okay looking at it now  maybe it is…). So anyway several times in my room I have heard like a scratchy tap tap tap tap…sitting on my bedroom floor the other night I heard it again and just could not work out where it was coming from, whenever I tried to work it out it seemed to be moving around…I even had visions of rats or something running around the inside of my bedroom walls or something ( I don’t know how that would work, but when you are confused and slightly freaked out, anything is possible) – I ignored it and carried on painting my nails….Bzzzzzz……Bzzzzzz…….Cue irritating fly buzzing around my head….Bzzzzz…..As it began to mildly irritate me I watched it buzzing around my room before settling on my lightshade…Bzzzzzzzzzz….Tap. It then began scurrying along my lightshade Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap….Ahhhh I see. Well if it isn’t rats scurrying around the inside of my wall, I can definitely cope with a Tap Dancing Fly!

Loves
xx
*Also I had a dream the other night that I was swimming in the sea with my mum, holding on to her like I use to when I was little, I always get a bit nervous in the sea, but we were quite far out and the waves started to get bigger, I didnt like the fact that my feet were unable to reach the floor because it meant if one of the big waves went over my head, it would be difficut to get out of it...we seemed really far out and I could see the big waves coming, but because my mum was holding on to me and wasn't panicking herself, I felt calm and safe and stopped feeling so anxious.  I know i'm a bit of an airy fairy person, but I definitely took that dream as a sign that everything is going to be okay, no matter how scary it feels at times :)