The head part of the head and the heart part of the head (and a shake-a-delic...)

"Why does life have to be so hard?"
"It's not life that's hard...Its the choices you have to make in life that are hard..."
".....Yeah but they are about life, so technically it IS life that is hard....."

That was Katie asking a question...
Me attempting a phillisophical philisophical wise sounding answer...
And Katie shooting it down in flames...
As per is the norm.

This afternoon I found myself with Katie (Close sixth form friend who then became close Superdrug work friend and has now earnt herself a position in the Best FriendS category of my friends...LUCKY HER EH?) sitting at Cathy Green (no change there) drinking a Shake-A-Delic* (no change there - except I decided to go for a brave change today and have a Smartie one - no good, tastes like a melted McFlurry and the Smarties kept jamming up the straw...) and attempting to talk sensibly about life, including..
*Also referred to as a Shakey-Baby..

Babies: "I've always just assumed in my life plan that I will have kids, I haven't really thought about the fact I will have to meet someone first to actually have kids with...."

Future Plans: "Lets just book a week away in October...." "I'll probably have no money..." "Oh maybe not yet then...."

Men: "Do you know what? I hate all men, they're all just absolute twats seriously!" "Awww not all men are...What about Channing Tatum? Or Colin Firth? Or Hugh Grant....He seems nice..." "NO I bet even they are twats, do you know what? Screw this, I'm just going to become a lesbian, It will be SO much easier!!"  (Katie was just having a bad day...nothing personal boys I'm sure........)

But then we came on to the discussion of Do you follow your head or your heart? Which then lead onto the discussion of..well really if you want to get technical your heart doesn't physically have the capability to create emotions...it can respond in different ways to different emotions, based on what your head tells it to feel, which basically means it's not a case of deciding between head and heart...but rather chosing between one half of your head and the other, which seems kind of daft...that your own head has the ability to argue with itself pretty much - so really....we couldn't come up with the answer to that question...

However it is true, it does happen...the whole head/heart which is actually head/head thaaaang, take for example this, yesterday at the Drug that is Super we had a parcel arrive for us, upon it being opened there were several Barry M Nail Varnishes and some lipglosses that had been returned, with a note from someone saying that they were very sorry, their friends had convinced them to steal them and they felt so guilty afterwards they just had to return the stuff back to us...
This is when it kicked in...
My Heart (so one half of my head...) was saying: Awwww that's so sweet of them, what a good thing of them to do...
My head (so the other half of my head...which doesn't really make sense anymore butcha get ma meaningggg) was saying: Well you're a silly person for doing it in the first place, man up, don't give into peer pressure so easily, whats the point when its going to make you feel so horrible afterwards, its a shallow unnecessary thing to do, I could see why some people may do it in times of desperation, if it was food or drinks or baby food...actual survival neccessities - but stealing some pretty nail varnish? That's just STUPID.

Indeed. I think the heart side of my head is definitely the side I need to act on if I don't want to get a punch in the face....however I can still think with the head side of my head every now and then, even if it is for my own occasional harsh in-head self entertainment.....go on...everyone does it!!

Loves
xx

A Golden Day xx

I was just thinking that it felt like ages since I had written a blog..
In fact I couldn't even remember what my last blog was about...
And then I checked..and realised it had only been six days since I last wrote a blog...
Which is really not that long at all..
Still, needs must - the need to write a blog was there - and so I must.
(As short and sweet as it may be...)

Last Saturday as well as being the weekend - woohoo - Saw my Nan and Grandad celebrating their Golden wedding anniversairy - Wowwwww. It also a saw a party being held in honour of the occasion; my family love a good party and having a bit of a dance and this was no different really
We all got dressed up in our smart dresses, though it was a bit chaotic, my poor grandparents lovely tidy house was taken over by 2 Daughters and 4 Grandaughters all trying to get ready at once arguing over mirror space, dressing space, hairstyles, whether outfits looked right or not (meanwhile the men of the family stayed safely and calmly out the way downstairs...which was probably a wise choice..they may have ended up with an eyeliner jab in the eye or been hit by a passing shoe or something..)

The party meant seeing lots of family members and old friends of the family, some who i've seen recently, others who I've not seen for years; being that some of them I hadn't seen for years, it meant as though I found a bit of repetition going on in the conversations throughout my evening...

"I'm at University in Chichester..."
"I'm doing Drama...."
"Yes I would ideally like a career in performing but who knows..."
"Yes I've moved out of home...."
"Yes it's lovely....."
"No I haven't got a boyfriend at the moment..."
"Oh no I am interested, I just haven't really found the right person yet..but i'm sure I will..."

So on so forth - I started to feel like I was getting boring, but then I remembered what they say about acting etc about how " You may have done something 100 times but you have to remember it's the first time the audience have seen it..." and so just got on with it...

So yes it was a very lovely romantic evening and so sweet to see my Nan and Grandad looking so happy and still in love with eachother, when it came to making speeches my mother gave a lovely speech about how we are so proud of them, how she grew up in a household with no arguing or tension, how they were perfect for eachother and how their love gives a shining example and everyone hope that true love can exist and it is possible, before ending it with....

"Or maybe it's just all a load of bollocks!"

Hmmm...

But the thought was there - and a lovely thought it was too :)

Loves
xx

A week home alone with something BUGGING me...

So I've been home aloney on my owny all week,
2 out of 3 of the housemates are yet to have taken up residence, whilst the other one skipped off to france for a week, leaving yours truly to run the house for 7 days...
To be fair - it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be, when we first bought the house I had my fears that I would be left alone for the majority of the summer, considering it's the first time I have moved out of home the thought of suddenly being in an empty house on my own scared me A LOT, luckily for me Maddie moved in straight away, as well as securing a job in Chichester, which has meant that I have had plenty of company and been safe from Zombies, Ghosts and anything else scary that may have invaded my house had I been here alone (apart from insects...but more of that later...) and the week has passed pretty quickly, there have been a couple of i-want-my-mummy incidents, which was probably down to the fact that she was in Italy where the phone signal was not very good and the fact that she was not easily reachable made me want to be able to reach her even more...as is the way...

Now onto the insects -
A few months ago I wrote about the fact that a bumble bee flew out of my washing basket at 2 in the morning, scaring the jeepers out of me, and leaving me sleeping on the lounge floor alongside Pup who was very happy to see me....
A couple of months later I wrote a blog about the fact that a huge bumble bee crawled out of my pile of laundry much to my dismay...and that my nan had to come upstairs and remove it for me whilst I stood squealing on my bed....
Well the other day a pretty similar thing happened, except I was home alone, in a different home and the bestest wasn't due to arrive for another half an hour - and had a pile of clean laundry in my bed...as I began pulling out what I needed...

Bzzzzzzzz....

Bzzzzzzz....

Oh faaaaaaack.
Luckily I am so used to these kind of things happening that I knew exactly what was going on...

Bzzzzzzz...

Urgh.
I literally did not know what I was going to do. Or what I was going to find. So I just stood. In the middle of the room. And watched my pile of clothes buzzing...I then saw it....A lovely fat wasp crawl out of my clothes on to my bed...If I had any common sense, I would have put a glass over it and left it there until the bestest arrived to help me remove it...but I didnt, I ran squealing out my room and slammed the door shut behind me, leaving it nice and safe in my bedroom *sigh*
Eventually after the bestest arrived I managed to convince her to help me find it, we picked up each item of clothing from the pile and thoroughly examined it for any sign of wasps and even though there had been no sign of it, I still got changed with the fear of having wasps in my pants.... What was worse was the fact there was no sign of it, If I had seen it leave my room, I would have been happy - but the fact that it had last been seen crawling around on my bed made it worse and lying in bed that night I was convinced that I could hear a buzzing and flinched everytime the sheet brushed against my leg...3 days later and I still haven't felt any sign of it, So i'm assuming it is either dead...or just hiding somewhere planning a reaaaaallly evil attack on me...

As if it couldn't get any worse I then went into the toilet the next evening to discover a moth in my toilet...I hate moths...I know they can't hurt me...I know they are smaller and weaker than me....and that I could kill them in one STAMP (squish) - (or maybe it would be more of a crunch) but I still hate them. I had to remove a dead one from the windowsill the other day and the only way I could do it was to scoop it up in a ton of toilet roll and even then I squealed...But yes this moth, Not on my toilet wall...not on the toilet seat...sadly not floating dead at the bottom of my toilet...just sitting, all casually like - on my actual toilet bowl - I could have just flushed it away but then I couldn't bring myself to be so cruel (i'm a softie see) - So I just had to go to bed in need of the loo with nightmareish images going around my head of 'What if I hadn't seen that moth down my toilet bowl and sat on the seat....

*Shudder*
Luckily the next morning it had flown off (I was pleased to discover after THOROUGLY inspecting my toilet) and calmness was once again restored...
Phew.
Still I'm very happy that the housemate is back Sunday, I've actually rather missed her - Plus squealing over horrible insects is a lot less scary when you have someone else in the building with you to squeal alongside you and the bugs seem a lot less likely to 'attack' when your not home...alone..and vulnerable....

Loves
xx

Letter to my 24 year old self..

When I was 11 (2005) I made a memory box to be opened in 2010...
Somehow it lasted five years and I opened it...
Altthough it was very nice to open...I must admit I was slightly disappointed with my 11 year old self when I opened it..
I'd written on a piece of paper things about myself...
However instead of writing about my then hopes and dreams and all that Jazz for life for me to look back and Awwwww over, I'd written things like..

Parents name: Amanda and Michael (funnily enough still the same five years on...)
Favourite colour: Yellow. (still the same)
Favourite food: Roast Dinners (still the same)

So yes; nothing much for me to reflect on...
I'd also put in...
A scarf I bought at Party in the Park
A little lipgloss that my (then) boyfriend had got me
A picture of me with my new cool haircut
And a piece of paper that said...This is the smell of my favourite perfume (I assume at some point in the past it HAD smelt of something...though I cannot remember what...)

Lovely; Yes - and also highlighted how simple life was for me as an eleven year old...

Now at nineteen life is still Lovely? Yes. But fackin 'ell - it is far from simple!
The other night it got to about 01:00 - I was still awake, our internet was still not existing (it is now...woohoo!) and our television was not working. It was at this point I began having one of my occasional "AhMaGaaad what's going to happen in the future? What do I want to do? Or what about the present? It's so confusing? My brain is such mush! So many feelings and thoughts and conflicting emotions and Ohmigoddd I'm such a poor, tragic confused Drama student WHAT DOES LIFE MEAN TO ME?" moments.

So I did what I always do when my brain is over run. I wrote. There was too much crap going on for me to write a decent blog, so I decided to write a letter, to my 24 year old self...
In it I wrote about what I want from life, where I want to go, how I feel at this point in my life and where I hope I am when I next read the letter - I may not have written about my favourite colour...or my favourite food...or any of that, but it was strangely theraputic, It was theraputic for me get all the brain mush out on paper...and I hope when I do open the letter again in five years time, more of my hopes and ambitions will have happened and I will be able to look back on this slightly confusing period of my life and appreciate what will have changed for me in the next five years and the person I have become because of it :) :)

Loves xx

Also changing the subject. I have a friend at work called Phipps ( I use the term friend lightly.....). We laugh a lot but to be honest He is a bit of a nob. Yesterday he threw stuff at me, insulted me non stop and split a hot chip in half and pressed it onto my arm. He has also just said that Blogging is boring and implied that I am sad for blogging on a Friday night instead of being out (i'm actually out tomorrow night so mehhhhh) before asking to be mentioned in a blog for a claim to fame. So here is your mention. Loser. Bahahahaha xx