Okay I haven't written for a while. There's been lots of scrappy bits and pieces going on, but nothing worth dedicating it's own blog to...well I could of but it wouldn't have been very exciting...So anyway here is what's been going on...(drum roll please...)
My Essay: Yes I finally finished it, it took a week and a half, one changing the question, one lot of scrapping everything I'd written, several hours in the library, a couple of near misses, several outbursts complaining about the stupidness of the essay, university in general and myself and one set of tears of frustration and I got it done :) I don't know if what I have written is right, whether I have gone about it in the right way, or whether I'll pass, but finally posting it off and signing my name off the list was the best feeling ever!
My hair: I've finally plucked up the courage and dyed my hair red, I've been moaning for ages about my hair, since its come back to its natural colour after dying it brown three years ago its been such a dull boring colour, I tried making it blonder and it had no really affect, I wanted something a bit quirky and vibrant, so I got some 'very berry' hair dye and slapped it on...it went red, but still not as red as I wanted it to be, so a couple of days later I bought a red toner from superdrug..at £1.29 I did have my doubts at how well it would work, I have a bad history of these kind of things in the past = Year 9 + Naturally blonde hair + Mahogany Toner = ORANGE hair), It said the tube of it should be enough for three goes and should be left on for 5 minutes, so naturally I used 2/3rds of it and left it on for twenty minutes...If my hair wasn't red enough before...it definitely is now ;)
Jobby Jobby Jobby: Woohoo I finally found a new job, I love working at Lloyds and have such a laugh there, but I've been needing to find another job to do alongside it, seeing as I have no university for a month and am currently on a £60 loan from my mother. I had my first shift at Superdrug yesterday and loved it...the till was very easy to grasp and I enjoyed serving people - the pays not great but it still an extra bit of cash a week which will help me so much, woohoo!
One of the best things about Christmas is my favourite people are home, in particular Rachel Delooze, We went down to Wests last night - a big bunch of us, I only had £10 to spend and didn't think that this would be of much use, however on discovering a bottle of wine was £7.99 I thought about things economically and figured I would get a much larger Alchohol intake for my money by buying a bottle, as opposed to two drinks at 4 pounds each which would not have as much success...I was right and a jolly good night was had by all ;) despite the fact I woke up at half past six with a tounge like a slug that's just had a tub of salt poured over it...dried up and crispy (yummay)
But...there has been a lot of not a lot going on, mainly due to my financial situation there have been a lot of days that have consisted of lying in front of the telly all day.. Jeremy Kyle, This morning, Loose women, Relocation Relocation, May the best house win, Come dine with me, Coach trip - definitely been on a Daytime tv overload in the last week...and as for the chocolate I've been eating, I'm going to have to be rolled into University when we go back in January - but I am LOVING the time off - woohoo!
I get paid on friday, so hoping I can finish my last little bits of Christmas shopping, very excited for Christmas, lots of exciting stuff planned with all the people I love :)
Loves xx
Wednesday 21 December 2011
Monday 12 December 2011
Drama aint no doss!
Zzzzzz....eeeep feeling so fuzzy headed today, I think my body is still recovering from Saturday nights drink-a-thon and 4.30 am finish (but more of that later..), followed by 6 hours of rehearsals, uni rehearsals, seven hours sleep, uni assessment and essay writing...But now I find myself, at home, in my room, on my bed, heating on, nice and shnig waiting for dinner, exactly where I want to be :']
Had a fair amount going on this last week, mainly writing this stupid fecking essay for University, Whoever says that all Drama students do is doss needs a kick. A hard one, it aint no doss! It requires so many skills, Confidence, Imagination Team work and so many hours of dedication!..The whole reason I took Drama is because I don't consider myself to be an academic person, don't get me wrong...I knew that essays would be involved of course I did and compared to other peoples courses we've been so lucky with the written side of the course, but it's still just so mehhh. When I'm in the mood to chat and discuss I can talk and talk and talk...thats's why I've got a blog, buuut ask me to critically analyse and research etc etc my brain just goes 'Huh?' - but i'm getting there slowly but surely, I just hope I'm writing the right thing, I do have the habit of drifting off track slightly...I know it doesn't really account for much, but I still want to do well!!
Went up to London on Saturday to see Dreamboats and Petticoats with the best friend and her mum and sister, I've become a musical theatre nerd in the last few years and really enjoy it, so I was very excited! Overall it's not a bad show, The vocals and stuff were good but not the kind to blow you away, all the songs were old sixties songs, so I did't know all of them - however two thirds of the theatre were over 50 and sang and danced along to songs that they had grown up too which were so sweet to watch. It is strange though, I couldn't imagine a show in 50 years featuring songs from the Noughties..Rhianna, Jessie J, Lady Ga Ga, Nicki Minaj...I dread to think what kind of show that would be!!
Saturday night came so it was time for a classy night out in Littlehampton with the best friends and her friends, we stopped enroute at the kebab shop for some food - we wanted to get a kids meal to share with eachother, but apparently they were for under 10's only, I know I look young but I don't think I could pull off being that age. Off to the George where we went on to get drunk very quickly (probably for the best when you're out in Littlehampton!) and then went on to Coco Lounge, one of those places that is soo bad that it is good! Where we went on to drink even more..including smuggled in Vodka and Orange (three of us crammed into a toilet cubicle knocking it back...classy!) and £1 shots - So overall a very drunken but brilliant fun night!
Its nearly Christmas - eeeeeep, My bank account is dismal at the moment - I get a pay day friday and then a slightly bigger one the following friday, I have a feeling that last minute shopping on the 23rd will be required. Applied for several jobs in the last week, Butlins, Vue Cinema (where I use to work), Next...so many places. I had a missed call from Santas grotto the other day, so I rang them back, I am on the Elf reserve list, they must have had an elf fall ill (or maybe they couldn't cope with the screaming children...) but anyway, I was very excited at this concept and rang back...but by that point they'd already given the job to someone else as well..dammit. Though I hear its a dangerous place to work...bad 'elf and safety...*ba boom chhh!*
Very excited about next saturday, performing in a christmas concert with TA productions, We had our last rehearsal yesterday before the tech, it's all very christmassy and fun, Singing a duet with the lovely Becca Anderson [Faith Hill - There you'll be...] - Just hoping I dont let the nerves get the better of me, in the last show I sang my first big solo and that was an amazing buzz, so I'm feeling positive :) Though the family couldnt make that show so this will be the first time they hear me sing properly.. Its an emotional song and the lyrics mean a lot to me, So i'm hoping I dont start blubbing on stage - singing with a snotty nose and blotchy face, not a good look!!
loves xx
Had a fair amount going on this last week, mainly writing this stupid fecking essay for University, Whoever says that all Drama students do is doss needs a kick. A hard one, it aint no doss! It requires so many skills, Confidence, Imagination Team work and so many hours of dedication!..The whole reason I took Drama is because I don't consider myself to be an academic person, don't get me wrong...I knew that essays would be involved of course I did and compared to other peoples courses we've been so lucky with the written side of the course, but it's still just so mehhh. When I'm in the mood to chat and discuss I can talk and talk and talk...thats's why I've got a blog, buuut ask me to critically analyse and research etc etc my brain just goes 'Huh?' - but i'm getting there slowly but surely, I just hope I'm writing the right thing, I do have the habit of drifting off track slightly...I know it doesn't really account for much, but I still want to do well!!
Went up to London on Saturday to see Dreamboats and Petticoats with the best friend and her mum and sister, I've become a musical theatre nerd in the last few years and really enjoy it, so I was very excited! Overall it's not a bad show, The vocals and stuff were good but not the kind to blow you away, all the songs were old sixties songs, so I did't know all of them - however two thirds of the theatre were over 50 and sang and danced along to songs that they had grown up too which were so sweet to watch. It is strange though, I couldn't imagine a show in 50 years featuring songs from the Noughties..Rhianna, Jessie J, Lady Ga Ga, Nicki Minaj...I dread to think what kind of show that would be!!
Saturday night came so it was time for a classy night out in Littlehampton with the best friends and her friends, we stopped enroute at the kebab shop for some food - we wanted to get a kids meal to share with eachother, but apparently they were for under 10's only, I know I look young but I don't think I could pull off being that age. Off to the George where we went on to get drunk very quickly (probably for the best when you're out in Littlehampton!) and then went on to Coco Lounge, one of those places that is soo bad that it is good! Where we went on to drink even more..including smuggled in Vodka and Orange (three of us crammed into a toilet cubicle knocking it back...classy!) and £1 shots - So overall a very drunken but brilliant fun night!
Its nearly Christmas - eeeeeep, My bank account is dismal at the moment - I get a pay day friday and then a slightly bigger one the following friday, I have a feeling that last minute shopping on the 23rd will be required. Applied for several jobs in the last week, Butlins, Vue Cinema (where I use to work), Next...so many places. I had a missed call from Santas grotto the other day, so I rang them back, I am on the Elf reserve list, they must have had an elf fall ill (or maybe they couldn't cope with the screaming children...) but anyway, I was very excited at this concept and rang back...but by that point they'd already given the job to someone else as well..dammit. Though I hear its a dangerous place to work...bad 'elf and safety...*ba boom chhh!*
Very excited about next saturday, performing in a christmas concert with TA productions, We had our last rehearsal yesterday before the tech, it's all very christmassy and fun, Singing a duet with the lovely Becca Anderson [Faith Hill - There you'll be...] - Just hoping I dont let the nerves get the better of me, in the last show I sang my first big solo and that was an amazing buzz, so I'm feeling positive :) Though the family couldnt make that show so this will be the first time they hear me sing properly.. Its an emotional song and the lyrics mean a lot to me, So i'm hoping I dont start blubbing on stage - singing with a snotty nose and blotchy face, not a good look!!
loves xx
Monday 5 December 2011
"Tasmins concentration has left the building..."
Despite the fact I was very proud earlier of the fact I ACTUALLY went to the Uni library and ACTUALLY printed off things to read before my massive essay writing mission I am about to undertake like an intelligent student that knows what they are doing..There are many things I should be doing right now...
Like I said...SHOULD...be doing, but I'm not...obviously, I'm doing everything in my power to distract myself from doing any of the above...'Tidying my room', sorting out Christmas presents, ordering free prints of pictures for my ever growing wall collage, writing a blog and waiting for my mum to come back from the shop with chocolate (despite the fact since yesterday I have eaten 2 Wispa Bars, Half a pack of chocolate biscuits, Half a box of Maltesers, a bag of aero bubbles and 4 Kinder suprises [which in all fairness are very small..]) and now...wittering away in a blog. (Okay i've just realised in my quick 'pre-post scan that i've written that twice, but as it backs-up my title..I'll keep it in.)
I dont know what it is that is making it so hard to get motivated at the moment, I think the year has caught up with me, its been absolutely manic (but more of that in what will no doubt be my end-of-year-reflections-30th-December-2011 blog...) but my concentration has hit an all time low, For example, I find myself zoning out when people are talking to me, it's not that I'm being rude or ignorant, I've always been one for a good chit-chat, but I just suddenly find myself drifting off, then I catch myself out and have to snap myself back into it and force eye-contact and say something coherent that forms some kind of response to what they have just said and that is realistic and suggests I have been hanging on to their every word...
Another example of my ever declining lack of concentration is at work, I've suddenly found myself in the habit of repeating everything the customer says...several times, not normally an issue (albeit slightly irritating) - 'cept i still get the order wrong every now and then...hmmm.
There's just been so much going on, but its uni that's wiped me out, there is just so much to think about and consider, I now regret all the times I moaned about A-Level work!!
I am absolutely buzzing for the Christmas holidays, I LOVE uni (okay I know i said slightly different in my last blog but that was a bad week okay?!) but the concept of 3/4 weeks off is just heaven, I'm so excited for some of my favourite people to come home from Uni!! Rachie, Rosie, Sir Eggicus...I cannot wait to see (and in Eggies case ABUSE) them all again - eeeee!
This is a break that's definitely needed for me, as my wise mother once said to me (imagine this being said in a voice just like mine but deeper and not as babyish) "You need to spend less time DOING and more time BEING!" - and I actually see her point, sometimes you can spend so much time doing things and rushing around thinking about too much, that you forget to just spend time relaxing in your own thoughts, and just being - wise words Mumma Halford (you can obviously see where I get my intelligence and words of wisdom from ;] )
Now I'm off to do some of previously mentioned tasks that I should be doing...as soon as I've eaten the phish food ben and jerries that mumma has bought home and finished watching 'I'm a celebrity - coming out'...hmmm one more night off wont hurt...and if my mother complains...well...she did say I should spend less time doing, I'm just following her advice ;) [though i'm sure i wont be feeling so sarky tomorrow when i'm one day closer to my essay deadline and panicking...]
xx
- Reading up on my essay...
- Writing my essay...
- Writing my actors book...
- Job searching...(still staying at Lloyds but need more hours man!)
Like I said...SHOULD...be doing, but I'm not...obviously, I'm doing everything in my power to distract myself from doing any of the above...'Tidying my room', sorting out Christmas presents, ordering free prints of pictures for my ever growing wall collage, writing a blog and waiting for my mum to come back from the shop with chocolate (despite the fact since yesterday I have eaten 2 Wispa Bars, Half a pack of chocolate biscuits, Half a box of Maltesers, a bag of aero bubbles and 4 Kinder suprises [which in all fairness are very small..]) and now...wittering away in a blog. (Okay i've just realised in my quick 'pre-post scan that i've written that twice, but as it backs-up my title..I'll keep it in.)
I dont know what it is that is making it so hard to get motivated at the moment, I think the year has caught up with me, its been absolutely manic (but more of that in what will no doubt be my end-of-year-reflections-30th-December-2011 blog...) but my concentration has hit an all time low, For example, I find myself zoning out when people are talking to me, it's not that I'm being rude or ignorant, I've always been one for a good chit-chat, but I just suddenly find myself drifting off, then I catch myself out and have to snap myself back into it and force eye-contact and say something coherent that forms some kind of response to what they have just said and that is realistic and suggests I have been hanging on to their every word...
Another example of my ever declining lack of concentration is at work, I've suddenly found myself in the habit of repeating everything the customer says...several times, not normally an issue (albeit slightly irritating) - 'cept i still get the order wrong every now and then...hmmm.
There's just been so much going on, but its uni that's wiped me out, there is just so much to think about and consider, I now regret all the times I moaned about A-Level work!!
I am absolutely buzzing for the Christmas holidays, I LOVE uni (okay I know i said slightly different in my last blog but that was a bad week okay?!) but the concept of 3/4 weeks off is just heaven, I'm so excited for some of my favourite people to come home from Uni!! Rachie, Rosie, Sir Eggicus...I cannot wait to see (and in Eggies case ABUSE) them all again - eeeee!
This is a break that's definitely needed for me, as my wise mother once said to me (imagine this being said in a voice just like mine but deeper and not as babyish) "You need to spend less time DOING and more time BEING!" - and I actually see her point, sometimes you can spend so much time doing things and rushing around thinking about too much, that you forget to just spend time relaxing in your own thoughts, and just being - wise words Mumma Halford (you can obviously see where I get my intelligence and words of wisdom from ;] )
Now I'm off to do some of previously mentioned tasks that I should be doing...as soon as I've eaten the phish food ben and jerries that mumma has bought home and finished watching 'I'm a celebrity - coming out'...hmmm one more night off wont hurt...and if my mother complains...well...she did say I should spend less time doing, I'm just following her advice ;) [though i'm sure i wont be feeling so sarky tomorrow when i'm one day closer to my essay deadline and panicking...]
xx
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Night time Brain mush!
Why is it, that the time you do the most thinking always falls in those precious 8 hours of the day (or night), when you should be doing the complete opposite...and sleeping?
Honestly, I get plenty of opportunities throughout the day to ponder life, dawdling down to the train station, sitting on the train, walking the Doris...but I never do, instead I sing to myself and daydream about absolute rubbish and bizarre scenarios to keep myself occupied...
However it's as if as soon as I lie down in bed and try to sleep the 'sensible' part of my brain kicks in, the one part of my brain that wants to try and make sense of things, whilst the other parts are lazy and fail to co-operate, which means I tend to lie and think 'Huh?'
Like right now, some of the thinks going around my brain:
- Does my uni course feel right for me?
- What would I do if I were to quit uni?
- Is it worth trying to audition for Drama schools or should I just deal with Uni first (I may find once certain dodgey modules are over I will begin to enjoy it as much as I was at the start of term again and plus some elements of it I actually love!)
- When the hell am I going to do my christmas shopping?
- I desperately need to find another job to do along side Lloyds but where do I find one?
- If we get another puppy and it's a boy I want to call it Ralphie ( Okay I know that hasn't come from the sensible part of my brain, but since we discussed it the other day it's all I can think about..plus 'Doris and Ralphie' how CUTE does that sound?!)
All these questions that I can think and think and think and think but can't even come close to answering right now! (apart from the last one, I'm certain about that one..)
Maybe that's why it's a good idea that I have got into the routine of watching Family Guy in bed before I go to sleep, it means that instead of going to sleep thinking about things I can't answer, I go to sleep thinking about Stewie, Brian, Quaigmere and Herbert the Pervert...though on second thoughts..maybe thats not such a good idea. (Giggedy-Giggedy..O-Right!)
Sweet dreams!
xx
Honestly, I get plenty of opportunities throughout the day to ponder life, dawdling down to the train station, sitting on the train, walking the Doris...but I never do, instead I sing to myself and daydream about absolute rubbish and bizarre scenarios to keep myself occupied...
However it's as if as soon as I lie down in bed and try to sleep the 'sensible' part of my brain kicks in, the one part of my brain that wants to try and make sense of things, whilst the other parts are lazy and fail to co-operate, which means I tend to lie and think 'Huh?'
Like right now, some of the thinks going around my brain:
- Does my uni course feel right for me?
- What would I do if I were to quit uni?
- Is it worth trying to audition for Drama schools or should I just deal with Uni first (I may find once certain dodgey modules are over I will begin to enjoy it as much as I was at the start of term again and plus some elements of it I actually love!)
- When the hell am I going to do my christmas shopping?
- I desperately need to find another job to do along side Lloyds but where do I find one?
- If we get another puppy and it's a boy I want to call it Ralphie ( Okay I know that hasn't come from the sensible part of my brain, but since we discussed it the other day it's all I can think about..plus 'Doris and Ralphie' how CUTE does that sound?!)
All these questions that I can think and think and think and think but can't even come close to answering right now! (apart from the last one, I'm certain about that one..)
Maybe that's why it's a good idea that I have got into the routine of watching Family Guy in bed before I go to sleep, it means that instead of going to sleep thinking about things I can't answer, I go to sleep thinking about Stewie, Brian, Quaigmere and Herbert the Pervert...though on second thoughts..maybe thats not such a good idea. (Giggedy-Giggedy..O-Right!)
Sweet dreams!
xx
Monday 28 November 2011
Driving test: Major Fail.
Wow, as far as weeks go, this has definitely been one of the more 'Epic Fail's of a week for me, It hasn't been Bad or Sad, Or life changingly dramatic, its just been..A fail.
This has mainly been due to:
MY DRIVING TEST:
So eight weeks ago, I was a happy creature, booking my driving test with a beautiful image in my mind of passing first time, all perfect, being very proud and happy with myself whizzing around in a little car listening to the kind of songs that I normally play quietly at home for the sanity of my family without a care in the world (Lion King instrumentals anyone?)... Ummm no.
The night before my driving test, I had an hour and a half practise with my instructor, in the dark, foggy, freezing cold evening, like you do. Everything went perfect, absoloutely dandy and my instructors parting words with me that evening were "Drive like you did tonight and you will pass your test no problem" - Perfect, Went to bed nice and happy la-de-da.
Woke up the next morning feeling like I was going to puke with nerves, tried to convince myself that they were similar nerves to the "oh-my-god-i'm-going-to-puke-and-forget-all-my-lines" nerves that I normally get before going on stage, the only difference is, once i'm on stage - all is good, however my gut feeling told me it would be very different to performing on stage...but hey-ho positive thinking, worth a try.
The DISASTER NUMBER 1 came along as myself and four other petrified looking learner drivers sat in the waiting room, eyeing eachother up and trying to make small talk, when really we just wanted to sit and simmer in our own world of absoloute terror, suddenly a lady walked in and declared "Okay there is something wrong, there is more people here then there are with a booked test for this time slot" - my instant reaction was to think 'shit' - normally when it comes to these kind of situations it is my fault, but I prayed that by some chance I had it right..I didnt. After a few moments of mild hysteria (mainly on my instructors behalf) the woman came back and declared that I had the right day, just come back in an hour - cue polite laughter from everyone in the waiting room who I have no doubt were definitely thinking "ha! I'm glad that Fuckwit is not one of my students" - but I was going to have an extra hour of practise so no worries surely!
An hour later and I did not feel that the extra hour of practise had helped, as I was back in that same waiting room, with the same sense of wanting to chuck up the two bites of toast I'd had for breakfast that morning. I prayed and I prayed that I would have an examiner of who I felt comfortable and relaxed with. DISASTER NUMBER 2 soon arrived as I noted straight away that this would not be the case from the start when the name Tamsin Halford was barked out, After 18 years of correcting people I didn't worry about correcting her this time, however this soon back-fired on me when she asked me what I wanted her to call me, Cue my response of 'Tasmin' not making any sense at all, I would have been better off correcting her in the first place, and I wouldn't have looked such a moron in the long run having to explain that was in fact my name...
DISASTER NUMBER 3 came as soon as I was seated in the car, first of all she asked me about indicators and how they worked and so I demonstrated, next was a question about Power steering, I don't think my response of "It feels different" was quite what she was looking for when questioning me on how I would know there was a problem with it, but I played it cool and arranged my face into a position of knowing what I was talking about...
DISASTER NUMBER 4 soon came around, when on examining my car, she declared that one of the wheels was not in a good condition and that my instructor would need to change it in the next five minutes or I could not continue with my test, she then proceeded to stand there as my instructor frantically changed the wheel declaring "5 minutes left....3 minutes left...2 minutes left" but EVENTUALLY it got sorted and I was actually ready to start my test, though already in no fit state to do so, after stalling once as soon as I started the engine (I figured she'd let me off on that one..after all I'd had a bad start!) I was off...Independent driving, all good...
However I soon hit DISASTER 5, as we pulled up by a side street and she informed me I was now going to do a reverse around a corner, the one move that I am least comfortable with (oh why oh why couldn't it have been turn in the road???) but I set to give it ago, all good, over the top mirror checks, checking blindspots, nice and slow, car starts edging round, check that nothing is coming the other way...
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb...
(never mind taz, you can do this, keep calm, straighten out, drive forward and then just reverse back again, mrs examiner lady will be fine with that....)
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb for a second time as I circle the wheel like a mad woman and *THUD* thats the sound of it happening again..
(..........shit.)
"Can I stop please. I just want to stop."
"Stop the move, or stop the test?"
" Well I know I've blown it haven't I?
"What would you like to do?"
"There's no point in me carrying on."
"Well if you don't carry on your examiner will have to come and pick us up" (obviously not noticing the issue that i was in my examiners car the otherside of town to her, what was i going to do... get her to walk across town to get me?!)
"....you may as well carry on for the experience"
So I did, I had to carry out the next 25 minutes of my test knowing I had failed, and determined not to cry in front of her, even though my bottom lip was trembling like that of a two year old. After what felt like an eternity we arrived back at the test centre, where my examiner asked me to park facing the building (cue DISASTER 6) and I ended up parked pretty much diagonally across three spaces, just to prove my case that I was not worthy of driving even more than I had already done so!
After the examiner nicely told me she was going to have to fail me (REALLY?!) my instructor dropped me right off in town centre, where I then proceeded to cry my eyes out, go to tescos to buy the biggest bar of Galaxy Crumble there and sit there, on a bench, in the town centre, with an attractive bright red tear-stained face biting chunks out of a mammonth chocolate bar and probably looking like a loon (or maybe just a dramatic, heart-broken teenager) to those passing by.
SO. Overall not good times, buuuut trying to see the positive as usual, even though it's hard, I mean....hey what if I passed on a different move, then had to drive and reverse around a corner and then...okay, I can't think of a positive. ...except for the money I am saving on not passing and not deciding to do my test again til the new year...woohoo christmas shopping!! (see chums...always a bright side..)
That's all..and if you are still here reading this...gee thanks!!
Over and out :) xx
This has mainly been due to:
MY DRIVING TEST:
So eight weeks ago, I was a happy creature, booking my driving test with a beautiful image in my mind of passing first time, all perfect, being very proud and happy with myself whizzing around in a little car listening to the kind of songs that I normally play quietly at home for the sanity of my family without a care in the world (Lion King instrumentals anyone?)... Ummm no.
The night before my driving test, I had an hour and a half practise with my instructor, in the dark, foggy, freezing cold evening, like you do. Everything went perfect, absoloutely dandy and my instructors parting words with me that evening were "Drive like you did tonight and you will pass your test no problem" - Perfect, Went to bed nice and happy la-de-da.
Woke up the next morning feeling like I was going to puke with nerves, tried to convince myself that they were similar nerves to the "oh-my-god-i'm-going-to-puke-and-forget-all-my-lines" nerves that I normally get before going on stage, the only difference is, once i'm on stage - all is good, however my gut feeling told me it would be very different to performing on stage...but hey-ho positive thinking, worth a try.
The DISASTER NUMBER 1 came along as myself and four other petrified looking learner drivers sat in the waiting room, eyeing eachother up and trying to make small talk, when really we just wanted to sit and simmer in our own world of absoloute terror, suddenly a lady walked in and declared "Okay there is something wrong, there is more people here then there are with a booked test for this time slot" - my instant reaction was to think 'shit' - normally when it comes to these kind of situations it is my fault, but I prayed that by some chance I had it right..I didnt. After a few moments of mild hysteria (mainly on my instructors behalf) the woman came back and declared that I had the right day, just come back in an hour - cue polite laughter from everyone in the waiting room who I have no doubt were definitely thinking "ha! I'm glad that Fuckwit is not one of my students" - but I was going to have an extra hour of practise so no worries surely!
An hour later and I did not feel that the extra hour of practise had helped, as I was back in that same waiting room, with the same sense of wanting to chuck up the two bites of toast I'd had for breakfast that morning. I prayed and I prayed that I would have an examiner of who I felt comfortable and relaxed with. DISASTER NUMBER 2 soon arrived as I noted straight away that this would not be the case from the start when the name Tamsin Halford was barked out, After 18 years of correcting people I didn't worry about correcting her this time, however this soon back-fired on me when she asked me what I wanted her to call me, Cue my response of 'Tasmin' not making any sense at all, I would have been better off correcting her in the first place, and I wouldn't have looked such a moron in the long run having to explain that was in fact my name...
DISASTER NUMBER 3 came as soon as I was seated in the car, first of all she asked me about indicators and how they worked and so I demonstrated, next was a question about Power steering, I don't think my response of "It feels different" was quite what she was looking for when questioning me on how I would know there was a problem with it, but I played it cool and arranged my face into a position of knowing what I was talking about...
DISASTER NUMBER 4 soon came around, when on examining my car, she declared that one of the wheels was not in a good condition and that my instructor would need to change it in the next five minutes or I could not continue with my test, she then proceeded to stand there as my instructor frantically changed the wheel declaring "5 minutes left....3 minutes left...2 minutes left" but EVENTUALLY it got sorted and I was actually ready to start my test, though already in no fit state to do so, after stalling once as soon as I started the engine (I figured she'd let me off on that one..after all I'd had a bad start!) I was off...Independent driving, all good...
However I soon hit DISASTER 5, as we pulled up by a side street and she informed me I was now going to do a reverse around a corner, the one move that I am least comfortable with (oh why oh why couldn't it have been turn in the road???) but I set to give it ago, all good, over the top mirror checks, checking blindspots, nice and slow, car starts edging round, check that nothing is coming the other way...
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb...
(never mind taz, you can do this, keep calm, straighten out, drive forward and then just reverse back again, mrs examiner lady will be fine with that....)
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb for a second time as I circle the wheel like a mad woman and *THUD* thats the sound of it happening again..
(..........shit.)
"Can I stop please. I just want to stop."
"Stop the move, or stop the test?"
" Well I know I've blown it haven't I?
"What would you like to do?"
"There's no point in me carrying on."
"Well if you don't carry on your examiner will have to come and pick us up" (obviously not noticing the issue that i was in my examiners car the otherside of town to her, what was i going to do... get her to walk across town to get me?!)
"....you may as well carry on for the experience"
So I did, I had to carry out the next 25 minutes of my test knowing I had failed, and determined not to cry in front of her, even though my bottom lip was trembling like that of a two year old. After what felt like an eternity we arrived back at the test centre, where my examiner asked me to park facing the building (cue DISASTER 6) and I ended up parked pretty much diagonally across three spaces, just to prove my case that I was not worthy of driving even more than I had already done so!
After the examiner nicely told me she was going to have to fail me (REALLY?!) my instructor dropped me right off in town centre, where I then proceeded to cry my eyes out, go to tescos to buy the biggest bar of Galaxy Crumble there and sit there, on a bench, in the town centre, with an attractive bright red tear-stained face biting chunks out of a mammonth chocolate bar and probably looking like a loon (or maybe just a dramatic, heart-broken teenager) to those passing by.
SO. Overall not good times, buuuut trying to see the positive as usual, even though it's hard, I mean....hey what if I passed on a different move, then had to drive and reverse around a corner and then...okay, I can't think of a positive. ...except for the money I am saving on not passing and not deciding to do my test again til the new year...woohoo christmas shopping!! (see chums...always a bright side..)
That's all..and if you are still here reading this...gee thanks!!
Over and out :) xx
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