That awkward age...

I've realised that I've hit that awkward age in life...
The age where I am still considered young....and can get away with still doing young type things...yet at the same time...I'm having to be an adult in some ways...and sort out scary things...Like Bank Accounts....and House Renting...and Earning/Managing money...
On one hand I have people saying 'Oh to be that young again...' on the other I have people saying 'Wow I can't believe how grown up you are now!' ( I know..Me..Grown up...pfffft!)
I don't feel like a grown up person who still has the younger moments in life...I feel like a younger person who has to do grown up things occasionally to get by!

However I do not deem this an issue...it was my lovely Rachies birthday last week, so wednesday night we had a sleepover...the group of us use to have them all the time when we were younger, but then they turned into nights out...well this was a proper sleepover...we ate too much food...watched Shrek on video...took stupid pictures...and chatted about boys, memories, life in general and then ended up 4 of us sleeping squishied up in a double bed! It was really nice, just like the olden days and reminded me how much I had missed those kinds of times :')

Argh my blog writing just got interrupted by a man at the door asking me where a road was he was looking for...the fact I had to answer in a L sized Sugar Puffs T-shirt, Age 13 PJ Shorts in an attractive gone off bluey green colour, greasy hair, eye make-up smudged under eyes, with my mums dressing gown thrown on top that I frantically grabbed state - suggests that I need to stop being so lazy....

I took out £10 at a cash point yesterday in town...went to pay for mine and The Finch's ice-cream (normally a hot chocolate...but you've gotta make the most of this weather...) and realised it was gone...it wasn't in my purse...pocket...bag...bag-pockets...gutted. Ten Pounds....TEN POUNDS...So I'm assuming I either dropped it or didn't take it out the machine and someone swiped it...TEN POUNDS!!!...That like...2 hours work at Superdrug!! Eurgh...as you can tell...it was tough...and took me rather a long time to accept *sniff*

Off to meet my Chilli Mush in town for some lunch in the sun, Hooray...its amazing how much whimpering, moaning, bombarding and guilt-tripping you can inflict on someone to make them give into temptation ;)

Loves xx

Birthdays and Sunshiiiiine

Okay, just read back on my last Blog, that was pretty intense, I may have been feeling slightly over emotional and tired...phewwww...

Anyway, all good now.

Had my driving test the other day...I failed...again...luckily it wasn't as blog-worthy-ish bad as my first one, I made it to the end without crying, the route was nicer and I had nice things to do...however I stalled on a mini-roundabout...not AT the mini-roundabout...on it doh. Also my manouevre...manovure...manuovere...BAY PARK...was a bit quick...oh well never mind...Third time luckayyy.

Had my birthday last Wednesday...now 19...its weird...when you have a birthday people always ask how it feels...fair enough being 17 'Yeah it feels awesome I can learn to drive now..' 18 'Woohoo I can legally smoke and drink and watch 18 films....'! 19...'umm not a lot different to 18 really' - My life didn't change at all at 19.15 on the 21st March 2012..In fact, I was in my room getting ready to go out for dinner, instead of downstairs (trying to) be sympathetic as my mum recalls the trauma of child birth (I know for a fact she found it VERY traumatic...I was 9lb 12 oz so didn't exactly fall out with ease *) so yes. No biggie! Met me Farva in town for a while and then Me and The Mumma went for dinner with Bestest to pizza express..I had Lasagne...They had Pizza...well I say Pizza...but when it arrive it was basically topping on a plate. Seriously. Mums pizza was so thin it was literally see through.....not good!

*Sorry for the image there guys.

We went to Brighton Saturday night, it was so lovely to see people who I hadn't seen for a while due to Uni, we started off at Chichester and then got the train across to Brighton, It was a really fun night, there was a slightly iffy half hour where we didn't know where to go, but it soon got sorted and we ended up dancing and drinking, which is what we went for really. We met my (future) step-brother and his friend in town and ended up spending most of the night in Pasha. 50p a shot, couldn't really complain...however it did mean that the alchohol intake went up many times faster than normal.

Though there was a couple in there...well I say couple...they'd just met...FULL-ON going for it on the sofa right opposite where we were sitting, now I dont mind things like that but seriously this was just crazy, they didn't seem to care they were in a room packed full of peo

ple with us sitting RIGHT opposite us, they were just completely oblivious...I've never felt the need to use the expression GET A ROOM...so strongly...

We didnt say anything though...just did a quick imitation ;] ->

 I nearly had heart-failure the next morning when I heard a rumour that JagerBombs have the same amount of calories in them as a big mac, apparently this is not true...but considering I ended up having 5/6 of them Saturday night, I could practically feel my insides dripping with Fat...ewwwwwwwwwww.

Sunday we had the tech rehearsal for 'Girl in the Corner' I love doing shows and all that stuff, but I normally find tech rehearsals a tiny bit tedious, they can sometimes take a while with lots of standing around, luckily this one was fine, we got through it pretty quickly and I am feeling pretty confident for our performance, Considering the last show I did with Bench I was playing a happy, bouncy, crazy, running around, ditzy Trixie Martin, it's really fun to now be playing the complete opposite kind of character, dark, depressed, pale, silent, trapped...pretty much a tortured soul...wow i'm really selling it well..it is good though ;]

I'm actually loving this weather...already been out and got myself a new pair of denim shorts...loads of people have been complaining about how we all undress at the slightest bit of hot weather...so?! Its boiling! We very rarely get weather like this that lasts this long..so just making the most of it! Its only March it will probably be raining next week, then all those people will change their tune and start moaning about stepping in puddles and being too cold...honestly..no pleasing some people!

Loves

xxx

JitterBugs

Full of Jitters...Too much going on...
To much to think about...
Exciting times....
Scary times...
Fun times...
Hard Working times...
Potential Life-Changing times...

Feeling Scared, Excited, Irritated, Hopeful, Confused, Confident, Unconfident, Jittery, Happy, Stressed...Mild insecurities, Stupid fears and Silly what-ifs...

It'll all come together in the end. I know it will. I trust it will. Keeping on going and facing each thing as it comes will help me to move on, to get through.
Just got to have the drive and I will get there. In time...Of course I will.

Moving out, Sleep-Shouting, My Best friend and Birthdays....

So it's starting to hit me that I'm going to be moving out of home in just a few months...
I am Super Duper excited by this concept, like...extremely so, albeit (I learnt the meaning of that word whilst performing in 'Daisy Pulls it Off' and have since used it whenever I can to sound intelligent) extremely nervous.

I'm looking forward to being a five minute walk away from Uni, a ten minute walk away from one job and fifteen from another, to being able to go out without worrying about giving an ETA as to when I will be home, not having to worry about being back for dinner, not to have to get in after a drunk night out as quietly as possible and have to answer friendly questions in the morning about my night when I am still feeling in the curl-up-and-die stage, to be able to sneak down in the night for a crisp sandwhich if the mood takes me without worrying about waking anyone up...or pup barking and giving me away, to not having to sprint for the train every morning or having a 7am wake up for a 9am start....

However some things are still worrying me...like - when I go to sleepovers etc I sometimes tend to shout/panic in my sleep...Like when 5 of us slept in a 2 man tent in hoovers back garden and I woke up panicking and shrieking and she had to rub my back and soothe me like a two year old til I snapped out of it, Or when we went to Hungary and I had to share a double bed with polly and she woke up to me struggling down the end of the bed declaring I was 'lost' and had to guide me back to my pillow, or when I slept round charlottes house and she woke up to me scrabbling against the wall, or when about 15 of us slept in sophies lounge and I panicked everyone by half dozing off and then suddenly screaming because the door was going 'to fall on me'....you get the general idea...I hope that being in a new strange place at first, wont cause this to happen too much, even now occasionally the mumma has to check I am okay due to random shoutings or panics...hopefully I will either grow out of it...or the housemates will accept the fact they live with a sleep-nutter and deal with it ;)

It's just other little things that I am slightly anxious about...like...what if I am home alone and there is a moth in my room, or a spider in the bath, or somethings making a strange noise?
I'll miss not being able to climb onto the mummas bed and have chats with her in the evening, or grab pup and give her a squeezy hug...
I'm not too worried about things like cooking...I can cope with that (apart from using a tin-opener...never could get the hang of them...), or cleaning ( I know i'm a slob but I do tidy up!)
Anyway unless I become rich, I will be back home in 2 years anyway...mwahahahahahaaaa....

I am really suffering from Best-Friend withdrawal symptoms at the moment, I haven't seen the bestest for 4 weeks and I'm not too sure how this has happened...we're both just constantly busy, i'm always at Uni or working and she has a full time job, so it's manic. Luckily we have that kind of friendship where it doesn't matter at all, we 'bbm' and facebook every single day which is a huge relief...It's weird...I read a quote the other day about friendship..saying it's not the people who you have known the longest, but the people who you know will never leave you...or something like that...and this is so true with me and the bestest. We've only known eachother for 5 years...and for the first year we didn't chat all that much, we were just at the same theatre company together...but then during one show...an event occured that caused us both to reach the point of literally sobbing with laughter ONSTAGE... and we haven't looked back since. I think the key point to a good friendship is the ability to just 'get' eachother, we have the ability to tune in on how the other is feeling just from a few words in a message....whether we are out getting absolutely wasted, or eating marmite on toast in our pyjamas watching disney films in silent, we just click. We have had so many amazing times over the years, (the quote 'the best memories come from the worst ideas' definetely applies)...and we talk about our future with marriage/kids/jobs/holidays etc that might not occur for another 5/10/15/20 years, just assuming we will still be in eachothers lifes. A friendship like that is TRULY special...and I am going to STOP now because I am probably getting boring with my slushy gushyness and you probably lost interest about 10 lines back (I can see you dozing at the back there.....)

It's my birthday on Wednesday...to be fair..I'm not really that fussed...at first I thought 19 seemed old...but now, it's really not...I'm just enjoying whatever age I am and whatever it is it nrings...However it does mean I am having to be boring this weekend as I am hitting brighton next saturday night..it will be worth it..it's just not feeling too fun right now!!!

Loves
xx

P.S - Hopefully I will have some good news this week...watch this space...

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar - A classy Chi night out.....

Pre Message before the main feature ;) :


Mwello everyone! Can I just say at risk of sounding like a cringey drunk popstar making their winners speech at the Brit Awards (though no one will be interrupting me....) - Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading my blogs! I have something like 980 page views, which is just crazy, so thank you to everyone who has been following my ramblings! I've had some really lovely messages/emails/comments from people saying that they have been enjoying them...so thank you! Its nice to know I'm not just typing to myself! A couple of people have also suggested I should write a book, considering that I can barely tell you the difference between a pronoun and an adverb, this could be an issue - but then it's a good idea to keep as many options open as possible, so yes. I may give it a shot...watch this space!
xx


...........


So, Me and Fiona went for a night out Friday night, we both had been feeling a bit crazy busy and hectic really so just wanted a bog standard get-drunk-eat-kebab-dance-like-crazy kind of night out, which we did...
We went to Lloyds AKA where I work...as pre-planned and went and got our first round of drinks, this round included a 'Skittle shot' which I had served to someone when I had been working a couple of days before and really wanted to try out...jeebers...the shot itself tasted fine but the BURNING as it went down...ooft, you could literally feel it working its way down...
Anyway so we sat in this booth and were chatting away when some guy approached us...
He asked if we would like to chat to an irish guy (him)...why not...so he sat with us...and introduced himself as Dan....He sat and chatted to us for a bit and then his friend came over (who wasn't irish...)...
Dan: This is my friend...Dan....
Me/Fi: Oh so you're both called Dan?
Dan: No he is Dan, My name is Dan...but I get called Ben......


"eh?! okay, well we'll just call you paddy" - Standard.
So I had Ben/Dan/Paddy (BDP) next to me, whilst Fiona was next to Dan...
I don't know how it happened, but suddenly BDP was showing me pictures on his phone...of his pet cat....there was a lot of them....an awful lot...


BDP: So do you have any pets?
Me: Yes quite a few
BDP: What are their namess?
Me: (sigh) Ummm I have a puppy called Doris....and then Two rabbits called Wilbur and Ginny...A Guinea Pig called fluff and some fish....
BDP: Lets have a look...
Me: Okay well um....Thats Doris and her cousin Albert...Thats Wilbur and Ginny...Ummm I haven't got any pictures of the fish....


Meanwhile Fiona was the otherside of the table being spoken to by Dan....about everyones favourite subject on a night out...Shakespeare...and what his favourites were....fackin hell. Cue a quick escape to the toilets to phone the Bestest and fill her in on the nights current disaster, before casually returning downstairs to discover Dan and BDP had swapped seats, like some dodgey speed dating...
It turned out that they were apparently 22 and 25 and physics teachers or something equally odd....


Dan: So what d0 you do?
Me: I'm at Uni doing drama....
Dan:  Yeah so what do you do?
Me: Ummmmm work, Uni, Do a theatre company, go out drinking...ummm
Dan: So what other subjects do you do...
(bearing in mind all these conversations are happening in a bar with music blaring, people dancing and having fun and alcohol.....)
Me:...Nothing I'm at Uni, I just do the one subject...Drama.
Dan: So....do you not think....is it not...a bit of a waste really...I mean...Drama?
(anyone who knows me knows that I am ADAMANT that Drama is not a waste, its a passion and where I want to go in life...lets not go there!)
Me: No.......not at all...I either wanna go to Drama school or be a Drama teacher or something...
Dan: Have you got a work placement....
Me: A work placement?!....No....
Dan: You wanna be a teacher and you haven't even got a placement yet?


Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakin' 'Ell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Meanwhile across the table a VERY uncomfortable looking Fiona was having a slimy BDP hand creeping up her thigh and declaring: This ones got the green light *creepy wink*
Cue our escape to the bar and dance floor (a comment about our drinking was the final straw...whats wrong with drinking a pitcher of cocktail out the jug with a straw? Its cheap...sorry we can't all be super intelligent classy 'physics teachers'....)
After a few more drinks and whilst waiting for Fiona I tried to explain the whole situation to my work friends...who were working (believe it or not...) however it was all so bizarre it was just passed off as me being drunk...Okay I was drunk, but it really was all that weird!!


Once we were finished at Lloyds we went to the height of sophistication that is 'Thursdays'...after a kebab and a long bus wait we finally got there...seriously...what a place, we just wanted a good dance, I decided to leave my coat in a corner so I wouldnt have to pay for the cloakroom...by the time I got back from the bar the Bouncer had taken it...doh. I must say it took me a while to get into it...sometimes I dont care and just go along with it, but that night everytime some guy was dancing behind me (I hate the way they grind against you without even seeing your face..) I just wanted to punch their lights out, Like I said, sometimes I just laugh it off and go along with it but they just felt too much like they were in my space...the best fun was with the people that we just got chatting too and had a laugh with!!


We then got on the Bus back to Bognor at 03:00 to be told that this bus was going to Chichester, the last to Bognor was at 01.40 - Shiiiiiiiit. After whimpering that we had no money for a taxi and oh what were we going to do? The nice Bouncer/Bus man told us that he lived more or less round the corner to Fiona, so he gave us a lift home free of charge, it was perhaps a bit silly of us, but he seemed nice enough and by this point we were drunk and knackered... so he dropped us home without any issues at all, which was a major relief and very kind of him...thank you Mr. Bus man!


So...Yes...A standard classy chichester night out indeed ;)
Plus Marmite on Toast and family guy in bed the next morning was just the needed cure...even better!!


Loves
xxx

Anywhere but here...

I have been sitting in my dining room attempting to Essay write since 10.00 this morning. I am getting there, extremely slowly, but surely. During this time I have been distracted by:

Food
My weekly Heat magazine arriving
Chris Moyles on Loose Women
Three Loads of washing
Smashing a plate of chicken
Cleaning spilt milk out of my rug...

Okay so it doesn't sound like I've done much...But I have..I really have...

My feet are cold and I'm going numb from sitting down for so long...
I can't help but wish I was here....

Or here....

Or this looks nice...

Even HERE would do...as long as there were no fish in the water...and it was warm...

Easily distracted? Moi??...Never.......

Loves xx

AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND RELAX.

Wow....It's a Sunday morning...it's 08:55 and I have NOTHING to get up for...No Superdrug, No University...nothing. Been feeling a bit run down recently, I think the moment of realisation came when a week thursday just gone I wailed to the mumma that I wasn't going to have a day off of nothingness until a week sundaaaaaaaaaay. And now a week sunday is here and I'm in bed all snug and warm..or in terms that only the bestest could understand "I'm so hptbh"
:]
Okay I do have rehearsals 12.00-14.00, but its 5 minutes away from where I live and for something of great fun-ness so I hardly see it as a chore....


We went out for a meal yesterday to celebrate Nans birthday...and I again realised that I have THE LOUDEST family in the world, literally, I love family occasions and ADORE my family, but earmuffs and a couple of paracetemol are highly recommended...Anyway halfway through this meal the mumma announced that "Everyone Tasmins got an announcement to make" - Cue 9 faces instantly turning to look at me...and me instantly wanting to clam up..."Oh muuum...um - well..argh, I dont DO public speaking!!" ..."Pretend you're an actress!" (Thanks Grandad...) - I think when you do acting people automatically assume that you can happily speak in front of loads and loads of people and shouldn't care...maybe it's just me..But I would rather perform a play in front of a million people, than make a speech as myself in front of a thousand people...I find them two COMPLETELY different experiences...one a lot scarier and less fun than the other)


"Well....Um i'm not doing Camp America now til next year, i've found a house to move into so i'm going to do that instead...."


...."So whats the news then?....."


"Umm, that I'm moving out?"


"Why didn't you just say...guys..I'm moving out then?" (That was from BigCousin-BigMouth...who I absolutely love...but who is much better at being outspoken than myself.....)


Luckily the mumma jumped in and began explaining myself for me, leaving me and my pudding in peace...(which is all I wanted from life at that moment!!)..well as peaceful as can be with my family!


Thankfully I find it easy to explain myself through writing (you may have realised...) soooo here goes:


Basically me and the housemates went to a house viewing on Thursday...We'd been told that the house was in a bit of a state but was going to be refurbished ready for us to move in, with cream carpets and neutral walls etc - we've had some pretty bad housing viewing experiences in the last couple of  weeks (literally how four boys could have lived in one house we saw was just completely beyond us...) - but as soon as we got inside this house we just fell in love with it, it used to be a family house so we would be the first students living in it...but it was huuuge, there was so much space everywhere and an lovely sized garden, it had everything we wanted and more...
The only issue being that the contract started in June..........when I was in America......meaning I would be paying for 3 months for a house that I couldn't live in...oh. Something I really really could not afford to do.
After a meeting with me farva in town, in which he gave me chocolate milkshake and many a words of wisdom, we reached the conclusion that I would be better off postponing America, I would have all the time in the world to go travelling etc once I was to finish University...but this housing thing sounded too good to give up on, its not too expensive...a 5 minute walk from the uni...and just amazing...we're already planning BBQs...Parties...Cutlery...Food shopping...Maintaining the garden....Pictures for the wall...!


So although I am of course slightly disappointed about not doing America this year, the concept of living in the house (with three amazing girlies) is a lot more exciting and worthwhile...luckily I've been allowed to transfer my place to next year....So I will definitely be doing it then....and if it comes to it and I can't...I'm thinking travelling is definitely on the horizone after uni!


Exciting times indeeeeeed!... eeeeep!
Loves
xx