Why is it, that the time you do the most thinking always falls in those precious 8 hours of the day (or night), when you should be doing the complete opposite...and sleeping?
Honestly, I get plenty of opportunities throughout the day to ponder life, dawdling down to the train station, sitting on the train, walking the Doris...but I never do, instead I sing to myself and daydream about absolute rubbish and bizarre scenarios to keep myself occupied...
However it's as if as soon as I lie down in bed and try to sleep the 'sensible' part of my brain kicks in, the one part of my brain that wants to try and make sense of things, whilst the other parts are lazy and fail to co-operate, which means I tend to lie and think 'Huh?'
Like right now, some of the thinks going around my brain:
- Does my uni course feel right for me?
- What would I do if I were to quit uni?
- Is it worth trying to audition for Drama schools or should I just deal with Uni first (I may find once certain dodgey modules are over I will begin to enjoy it as much as I was at the start of term again and plus some elements of it I actually love!)
- When the hell am I going to do my christmas shopping?
- I desperately need to find another job to do along side Lloyds but where do I find one?
- If we get another puppy and it's a boy I want to call it Ralphie ( Okay I know that hasn't come from the sensible part of my brain, but since we discussed it the other day it's all I can think about..plus 'Doris and Ralphie' how CUTE does that sound?!)
All these questions that I can think and think and think and think but can't even come close to answering right now! (apart from the last one, I'm certain about that one..)
Maybe that's why it's a good idea that I have got into the routine of watching Family Guy in bed before I go to sleep, it means that instead of going to sleep thinking about things I can't answer, I go to sleep thinking about Stewie, Brian, Quaigmere and Herbert the Pervert...though on second thoughts..maybe thats not such a good idea. (Giggedy-Giggedy..O-Right!)
Sweet dreams!
xx
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Monday 28 November 2011
Driving test: Major Fail.
Wow, as far as weeks go, this has definitely been one of the more 'Epic Fail's of a week for me, It hasn't been Bad or Sad, Or life changingly dramatic, its just been..A fail.
This has mainly been due to:
MY DRIVING TEST:
So eight weeks ago, I was a happy creature, booking my driving test with a beautiful image in my mind of passing first time, all perfect, being very proud and happy with myself whizzing around in a little car listening to the kind of songs that I normally play quietly at home for the sanity of my family without a care in the world (Lion King instrumentals anyone?)... Ummm no.
The night before my driving test, I had an hour and a half practise with my instructor, in the dark, foggy, freezing cold evening, like you do. Everything went perfect, absoloutely dandy and my instructors parting words with me that evening were "Drive like you did tonight and you will pass your test no problem" - Perfect, Went to bed nice and happy la-de-da.
Woke up the next morning feeling like I was going to puke with nerves, tried to convince myself that they were similar nerves to the "oh-my-god-i'm-going-to-puke-and-forget-all-my-lines" nerves that I normally get before going on stage, the only difference is, once i'm on stage - all is good, however my gut feeling told me it would be very different to performing on stage...but hey-ho positive thinking, worth a try.
The DISASTER NUMBER 1 came along as myself and four other petrified looking learner drivers sat in the waiting room, eyeing eachother up and trying to make small talk, when really we just wanted to sit and simmer in our own world of absoloute terror, suddenly a lady walked in and declared "Okay there is something wrong, there is more people here then there are with a booked test for this time slot" - my instant reaction was to think 'shit' - normally when it comes to these kind of situations it is my fault, but I prayed that by some chance I had it right..I didnt. After a few moments of mild hysteria (mainly on my instructors behalf) the woman came back and declared that I had the right day, just come back in an hour - cue polite laughter from everyone in the waiting room who I have no doubt were definitely thinking "ha! I'm glad that Fuckwit is not one of my students" - but I was going to have an extra hour of practise so no worries surely!
An hour later and I did not feel that the extra hour of practise had helped, as I was back in that same waiting room, with the same sense of wanting to chuck up the two bites of toast I'd had for breakfast that morning. I prayed and I prayed that I would have an examiner of who I felt comfortable and relaxed with. DISASTER NUMBER 2 soon arrived as I noted straight away that this would not be the case from the start when the name Tamsin Halford was barked out, After 18 years of correcting people I didn't worry about correcting her this time, however this soon back-fired on me when she asked me what I wanted her to call me, Cue my response of 'Tasmin' not making any sense at all, I would have been better off correcting her in the first place, and I wouldn't have looked such a moron in the long run having to explain that was in fact my name...
DISASTER NUMBER 3 came as soon as I was seated in the car, first of all she asked me about indicators and how they worked and so I demonstrated, next was a question about Power steering, I don't think my response of "It feels different" was quite what she was looking for when questioning me on how I would know there was a problem with it, but I played it cool and arranged my face into a position of knowing what I was talking about...
DISASTER NUMBER 4 soon came around, when on examining my car, she declared that one of the wheels was not in a good condition and that my instructor would need to change it in the next five minutes or I could not continue with my test, she then proceeded to stand there as my instructor frantically changed the wheel declaring "5 minutes left....3 minutes left...2 minutes left" but EVENTUALLY it got sorted and I was actually ready to start my test, though already in no fit state to do so, after stalling once as soon as I started the engine (I figured she'd let me off on that one..after all I'd had a bad start!) I was off...Independent driving, all good...
However I soon hit DISASTER 5, as we pulled up by a side street and she informed me I was now going to do a reverse around a corner, the one move that I am least comfortable with (oh why oh why couldn't it have been turn in the road???) but I set to give it ago, all good, over the top mirror checks, checking blindspots, nice and slow, car starts edging round, check that nothing is coming the other way...
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb...
(never mind taz, you can do this, keep calm, straighten out, drive forward and then just reverse back again, mrs examiner lady will be fine with that....)
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb for a second time as I circle the wheel like a mad woman and *THUD* thats the sound of it happening again..
(..........shit.)
"Can I stop please. I just want to stop."
"Stop the move, or stop the test?"
" Well I know I've blown it haven't I?
"What would you like to do?"
"There's no point in me carrying on."
"Well if you don't carry on your examiner will have to come and pick us up" (obviously not noticing the issue that i was in my examiners car the otherside of town to her, what was i going to do... get her to walk across town to get me?!)
"....you may as well carry on for the experience"
So I did, I had to carry out the next 25 minutes of my test knowing I had failed, and determined not to cry in front of her, even though my bottom lip was trembling like that of a two year old. After what felt like an eternity we arrived back at the test centre, where my examiner asked me to park facing the building (cue DISASTER 6) and I ended up parked pretty much diagonally across three spaces, just to prove my case that I was not worthy of driving even more than I had already done so!
After the examiner nicely told me she was going to have to fail me (REALLY?!) my instructor dropped me right off in town centre, where I then proceeded to cry my eyes out, go to tescos to buy the biggest bar of Galaxy Crumble there and sit there, on a bench, in the town centre, with an attractive bright red tear-stained face biting chunks out of a mammonth chocolate bar and probably looking like a loon (or maybe just a dramatic, heart-broken teenager) to those passing by.
SO. Overall not good times, buuuut trying to see the positive as usual, even though it's hard, I mean....hey what if I passed on a different move, then had to drive and reverse around a corner and then...okay, I can't think of a positive. ...except for the money I am saving on not passing and not deciding to do my test again til the new year...woohoo christmas shopping!! (see chums...always a bright side..)
That's all..and if you are still here reading this...gee thanks!!
Over and out :) xx
This has mainly been due to:
MY DRIVING TEST:
So eight weeks ago, I was a happy creature, booking my driving test with a beautiful image in my mind of passing first time, all perfect, being very proud and happy with myself whizzing around in a little car listening to the kind of songs that I normally play quietly at home for the sanity of my family without a care in the world (Lion King instrumentals anyone?)... Ummm no.
The night before my driving test, I had an hour and a half practise with my instructor, in the dark, foggy, freezing cold evening, like you do. Everything went perfect, absoloutely dandy and my instructors parting words with me that evening were "Drive like you did tonight and you will pass your test no problem" - Perfect, Went to bed nice and happy la-de-da.
Woke up the next morning feeling like I was going to puke with nerves, tried to convince myself that they were similar nerves to the "oh-my-god-i'm-going-to-puke-and-forget-all-my-lines" nerves that I normally get before going on stage, the only difference is, once i'm on stage - all is good, however my gut feeling told me it would be very different to performing on stage...but hey-ho positive thinking, worth a try.
The DISASTER NUMBER 1 came along as myself and four other petrified looking learner drivers sat in the waiting room, eyeing eachother up and trying to make small talk, when really we just wanted to sit and simmer in our own world of absoloute terror, suddenly a lady walked in and declared "Okay there is something wrong, there is more people here then there are with a booked test for this time slot" - my instant reaction was to think 'shit' - normally when it comes to these kind of situations it is my fault, but I prayed that by some chance I had it right..I didnt. After a few moments of mild hysteria (mainly on my instructors behalf) the woman came back and declared that I had the right day, just come back in an hour - cue polite laughter from everyone in the waiting room who I have no doubt were definitely thinking "ha! I'm glad that Fuckwit is not one of my students" - but I was going to have an extra hour of practise so no worries surely!
An hour later and I did not feel that the extra hour of practise had helped, as I was back in that same waiting room, with the same sense of wanting to chuck up the two bites of toast I'd had for breakfast that morning. I prayed and I prayed that I would have an examiner of who I felt comfortable and relaxed with. DISASTER NUMBER 2 soon arrived as I noted straight away that this would not be the case from the start when the name Tamsin Halford was barked out, After 18 years of correcting people I didn't worry about correcting her this time, however this soon back-fired on me when she asked me what I wanted her to call me, Cue my response of 'Tasmin' not making any sense at all, I would have been better off correcting her in the first place, and I wouldn't have looked such a moron in the long run having to explain that was in fact my name...
DISASTER NUMBER 3 came as soon as I was seated in the car, first of all she asked me about indicators and how they worked and so I demonstrated, next was a question about Power steering, I don't think my response of "It feels different" was quite what she was looking for when questioning me on how I would know there was a problem with it, but I played it cool and arranged my face into a position of knowing what I was talking about...
DISASTER NUMBER 4 soon came around, when on examining my car, she declared that one of the wheels was not in a good condition and that my instructor would need to change it in the next five minutes or I could not continue with my test, she then proceeded to stand there as my instructor frantically changed the wheel declaring "5 minutes left....3 minutes left...2 minutes left" but EVENTUALLY it got sorted and I was actually ready to start my test, though already in no fit state to do so, after stalling once as soon as I started the engine (I figured she'd let me off on that one..after all I'd had a bad start!) I was off...Independent driving, all good...
However I soon hit DISASTER 5, as we pulled up by a side street and she informed me I was now going to do a reverse around a corner, the one move that I am least comfortable with (oh why oh why couldn't it have been turn in the road???) but I set to give it ago, all good, over the top mirror checks, checking blindspots, nice and slow, car starts edging round, check that nothing is coming the other way...
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb...
(never mind taz, you can do this, keep calm, straighten out, drive forward and then just reverse back again, mrs examiner lady will be fine with that....)
*THUD*: Thats the sound of me hitting the kerb for a second time as I circle the wheel like a mad woman and *THUD* thats the sound of it happening again..
(..........shit.)
"Can I stop please. I just want to stop."
"Stop the move, or stop the test?"
" Well I know I've blown it haven't I?
"What would you like to do?"
"There's no point in me carrying on."
"Well if you don't carry on your examiner will have to come and pick us up" (obviously not noticing the issue that i was in my examiners car the otherside of town to her, what was i going to do... get her to walk across town to get me?!)
"....you may as well carry on for the experience"
So I did, I had to carry out the next 25 minutes of my test knowing I had failed, and determined not to cry in front of her, even though my bottom lip was trembling like that of a two year old. After what felt like an eternity we arrived back at the test centre, where my examiner asked me to park facing the building (cue DISASTER 6) and I ended up parked pretty much diagonally across three spaces, just to prove my case that I was not worthy of driving even more than I had already done so!
After the examiner nicely told me she was going to have to fail me (REALLY?!) my instructor dropped me right off in town centre, where I then proceeded to cry my eyes out, go to tescos to buy the biggest bar of Galaxy Crumble there and sit there, on a bench, in the town centre, with an attractive bright red tear-stained face biting chunks out of a mammonth chocolate bar and probably looking like a loon (or maybe just a dramatic, heart-broken teenager) to those passing by.
SO. Overall not good times, buuuut trying to see the positive as usual, even though it's hard, I mean....hey what if I passed on a different move, then had to drive and reverse around a corner and then...okay, I can't think of a positive. ...except for the money I am saving on not passing and not deciding to do my test again til the new year...woohoo christmas shopping!! (see chums...always a bright side..)
That's all..and if you are still here reading this...gee thanks!!
Over and out :) xx
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