* Insert imaginative, witty and clever title to do with Dogs, Loony Holidays, Snow and Taxi Drivers*

A couple of days ago I uploaded a video to Facebook of my doodle pup, in said video, she was chasing a red laser light like a loon around the lounge, whilst I commented on her stupidity - I have often wondered how she hasn't sussed after all this time that she will NEVER catch it. Alas, she has not, just as she has not learnt yet that her tail is attached to her and frequently tries to catch it, sometimes she confuses herself by catching it and then isn't entirely sure what to make of it, so just stands there holding it looking mildly bemused.
So anyway after commenting on stupid dog, I went home yesterday for Mother's Day, my mum is a foster carer and currently has a little girl staying with her just for a few days, anyway I was sitting in the lounge with her watching her tease Doris with the laser light whilst we both laughed at her silliness...
"You do it!!!!"
"Do what?"
"Pretend to be Doris!...I'll wave the light and you chase it..."
"Okay...."

Which is how I found myself on a Sunday evening, running around the lounge trying to catch a red dot, doing exactly what I mock MY DOG for doing, whilst a seven year old looked on in amusement...she even got me running around in circles god dammit. Not going to lie it is times like that I wonder what exactly I'm doing with my life.....

Meanwhile in other less silly departments of my life (they are rare but do exist!) It's  all change again - I was going to do camp America this year, I was SO determined to...and yet again I have had to put it on hold, which not going to lie I am rather disappointed by. It's the exact same reason as last year - we've not found a house yet and I couldn't agree to USA and then have us in a house that starts in June, because then I would have to pay two months worth of rent whilst not living there and I just can't afford to do that this year!! However I finish uni for good next year (holy cow!) so will hopefully be able to go out there for ages as I will have nothing to rush back for....until I have to come home and find a job that makes my degree useful and worthwhile! But yes I had kind of built myself up to the idea of ten weeks away, so with that suddenly changing I felt the need to get stuff-to-look-forward-to-planning, so I'm going to get my driving lessons restarted and my test passed (my theory expires in September so I have no excuses now!) - and I am going to a festival in Newquay with Katie and Kayleigh, which I am very excited for, however slightly anxious when thinking of toilet-ing...which is silly I know...Kayleigh's response was She-wee....(well that sorts it then!)

Not to mention the annual holiday with the loon family aka my Dad, Step Mum Liz and Step Brothers Cameron and Jordan. Our holidays are very chaotic which makes them strangely enjoyable. They always start with a 5 AM start as the roads are quieter (oooooft) and are helped along by a 7 AM break for breakfast at Little Chef (highlight of the journey) ...thing is with our holidays is they are always remembered by "incidents...." when remembering them....

"Ohhh that was the one where Cameron hit Jordan in the back of the car and gave him a nosebleed...."

"Ohhhh that was the one we went rollerblading and Liz fell and sprained her wrist...."

"Ohhhh that was the one where Jordan ate pink laces and strawberry yoghurt before we left for the journey home and puked all over the back of the car...."

"Ohhhh that was the one where we were playing with a ball outside and it got kicked at dads car and snapped his number plate off...."

"Ohhhh that was the one where Cameron threw my trainer in the sea....."

"Ohhhh that's the one where Taz got banned from the spinning cage ride where you stick to the wall and it goes upside down cos she put her feet up instead of standing in the proper position...."

"Ohhhh that was the one where we stopped at Little Chef for breakfast and there was a bee buzzing round us and we were shrieking and jumping all over the place and Dad got cross with us for making a scene..."

..... I really need to write a book about this shiz.

Loves
xx
 ACTUALLY HANG ON....what the hell is with the snow outside, how silly, it's March.
I don't even like snow, the novelty wore off about three years ago.
Now its just annoying and cold and causes and inconvenience.
Speaking of inconvenience, Having stayed at home - home last night I had to get the train back to Chi early this morning so I could go home and get my stuff before my 10 AM lecture.
Not gonna lie, I was Grouchy, Cold, Tired, Sulking because I didn't have sensible warm clothes with me and my phone deleted all my contacts and then died so I couldn't even listen to music on the train, as well as in a huff at the prospect of a double lecture ahead of me (which was suprisingly okay...)
Anyway I got to Chi at about 20 to 9 and decided that I would get a taxi home, because it was snowing, I was cold and tired and for all previous reasons.
Plus its about a 25 minute walk and I wanted home ASAP.
SO I waited about 5 minutes and a taxi pulled up so I went over and got in the back...
"Adelaide Road please..."
"Adelaide Road?" (said in the voice of a huffy 15 year old and not a 40 year old Taxi Driver)
"Yes..."
*Silence...*
"....Is that okay?"
"Well it's not very far is it...."
"Well actually I have Uni at 9 (LIE) and it takes me about half hour to walk (LIE) so I need to get back quickly..."

(NOT FAR FOR YOU IN YOUR STUPID OLD-FASHIONED PRICKY TAXI, BUT ABOUT A TWENTY FIVE MINUTE WALK FOR ME, WHEN I'M COLD AND OVER-TIRED AND READY TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE. I AM PAYING YOU FOR THIS SERVICE, NO TAXI DRIVER HAS COMPLAINED BEFORE, THEY ARE USUALLY VERY NICE AND CHATTY. SO YOU CAN DO ONE AND JUST DRIVE ME HOME MATE.) - Is what my brain said in Tasmin Land.

I didn't say that.
I just sat in the back and ignored him...
which didn't entirely work - because he wasn't talking to me either.
Hmmmph.

Religion.

It's reading week, Woohoo!
And I haven't done any reading yet....Boo!
But I will, I will!
I'm just making the most of spare time...
Its something I've recently found I have.
I finally handed in my notice at Lloyds...
I may have already told this story, or at least briefly mentioned it. But I can't remember.

When I did my last shift at Lloyds, I didn't know it was going to be my last shift, which is probably a good thing, or I'd have got all emosh.
Basically I worked on the Saturday, handed my notice in on the monday, Had no shifts down for that week and so that was it, I was done.
Luckily my last shift there I was in a foul mood, I was over-tired, Extra-Ratty and closing floor, which made handing in my notice not too hard.
Although I decided I'd miss the people there, that wasn't enough of a reason for me to stay - I was just fed up of being tired all the time and having to rearrange plans and never knowing if I would be free for things. Sooo it was bye bye Lloyds!

Free time means Lie-ins...Huzzah!
And that is what I was having this morning, until I got rudely awoken at Half Ten by a hammering on my door...
"Was that the door?!"
"I think so..." *
I should have ignored it, but our letting agents often send people round to fix things in our house without us knowing, so I assumed it was something I had forgotten - almost confirmed when I heard male voices outside...
Cue a mad dash with eyes still pretty much shut and in sleep mode..
"Oh god where's my bra?! I cant open my door without a bra on....where is it?! Okay is there a cardigan down there I can have..."
- Manage to get Cardigan on over Pyjama top -
Stumble downstairs...
Spend 30 seconds trying to get sticky front door open through closed eyes....finally get it open...people have gone, but turn around a walk back up the path...
Stand there in Pyjamas...
Hair scraped back....
No make-up....
Morning Breath...
And eyes still uncapable of opening the whole way, not helped by the brightness of daylight...
Incapable of speech...

"Hello, we have come to speak to you about God - and his amazing and wonderful ideas through these great times of hardship..."

"...? Nyuhhh, uh thats good, uhrgh okay...Thank you...."
" Here is a leaflet..sorry for waking you up..."
"..nyuh okay bye."
Close door.

I waited until the door was shut to say what I truly thought...
And God probably wouldn't have approved at my choice of language...
However, it was more at the idea of being woken up so suddenly, than to him personally.
If I had been more awake - I'd probably have been able to form sensible sentences. And say "Thank you for your time, Whilst I appreciate what you are doing and admire you for being so commited to your beliefs, I don't actually believe in God, or any form of religion. I think for something that is meant to be good, it causes way to much conflict in the world."
Okay that's what I like to think I would have said, I don't think I'd have been brave enough though! Which is silly really, if thy are brave enough to come round and talk about their beliefs, I should be able to do the same!!
Oh welllll, it was probably time for me to get out of bed anyway. (Hmmmph)

* I had Mini McFarlane stay overe last night, I wasn't just having a conversation with myself!

Loves
xx

Running (and falling)

I've started blogging again a bit more recently,
As you've probably noticed - being the one who reads it.
The thing is I really want to take my writing further, But I'm not too sure how...
I've even sat with a blank word document opened in front of me a couple of times...
But no inspiration has hit me..
I've even googled Blog-writing competitions, Just to make blogging a bit more worthwhile...
But they don't seem to exist.
All I have found are writing competitions...
"Write a story in less than 1000 words with one of these as the title..."
*THE MAN WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR*
*AS THE CURIOUS TREE BLOWS*
*HELP, MY CAT IS MOOING*
So on so forth.
So until I find a sudden burst of inspiration - these rambling rambles will have to do.

It's a Friday night and I really want to be out.
But I'm going out tomorrow night.
I would happily go out tonight AND tomorrow night.
However, money does not allow it.
Well I could...
I have an Overdraft - But I prefer not to use it..
Okay that's not strictly true...seeing as I am in it..
And using it to fund my night out tomorrow...
But if I went out tonight I would be even more in it.
Aint nobody got time for that.
For once the sensible part of my brain is ruling the YOLO side of my brain.
I better make the most of it, It doesn't happen too often.

My Legs are dead.
A couple of years back when I was still at Sixth Form I was walking up the concrete steps at the train station in my ugg-wannabe boots that completely cave your feet in, when I kicked the step and lost my footing and ending up sprawled out face planting the stairs, with my hood over my eyes and my bag looped round my arm -  there were a few people around me and I just stood up and carried on like normal and hobbled on up the stairs.
I did the same today.
I was in a rush this morning - I woke up at 09.32 - I still managed to get quickly washed/ make-upped/dressed/out the door and shuffling through the shop doors at 09.58 - what a pro.
However it did mean that I was in 'Amelia's name badge and Pollys size 7 shoes because I couldn't find my own. Stupid too big 7 shoes meant as I went running up the stairs at work the exact same thing happened. SPLAT. SPRAWL. OOFT.
This time however it was accompanied by a bit of swearing and a majorly sore toe.
I have weird feet anyway - my big toe sticks inwards at a most unappealing angle, and I have some bumps on my feet that I should probably get checked out but I am too scared to because they will be bashed about even more - and they are shy anyway.- So yes sensitive feet did not appreciate being slammed into a stair and sulked on me for the next half hour with a nice painful throbbing.
I thought I'd got away with it as well until a voice from a managers office called out "Who just fell up the stairs?"
Hmmmph.
(There you go Kayleigh, I mentioned you, Just because I know you always read my blogs and that last time you were mentioned...you felt famous. So here you go. You can feel famous again....Enjoy it. #Honoured)
However it's not just falling up the stairs that has done my poor legs and feet in.
Oh no.
That was just the tip of the bunion. (OKAY THAT'S GROSS I'M SORRY)

I've started running...I say that - I've been out twice since Tuesday...
For about 15 minutes round the block...
But hey it's a start okay?!
It's because I bought some new trainers - I NEVER wear trainers.
I live in long tops, dresses and cardigans -
Nothing that an added trainer would compliment.
However I must say they are rather nice...
And suprisingly comfortable...
And they've got something in them that makes them good because when I run in them something supports something that does something or something.
I kind of tuned out when the man in the shop was talking....
It is good though - even though I nearly die everytime I run...
My legs kill...
I go an interesting shade of purple...(hahaha I totally just wrote Paper instead of Purple...)
And I wanna Vom...
But hey I'm sure by next week I'll be on half marathons!
Watch out Olympics 2016 - I'maaaaa coming!!

Loves
xx

Crying and Laughing.

Last night, I got in from work...or make that the early hours of this morning,
Because I have a rare Sunday off today...woohoo, I decided to cook some potato wedges and catch-up on Eastenders...Potato Wedges at 01.45 in the morning, terrible.
It was a fairly emosh episode, poor old Zainab having to admit that her marriage was over, before driving off late at night in the back of a black cab, with the old twinkly theme tune playing as it zoomed in on Masood standing on the pavement waving her and their son off with tears in his eyes, before showing her breaking down in the back seat - in true Eastenders style.
And I cried.
I bloody cried.
When I was a kid, I always use to mock my mum for crying at stuff on the telly, I didn't understand how you could possibly cry at something that wasn't real.
Then in Year ten I went to see Blood Brothers with my drama class, it was so amazing - I cried the whole way through the second act and by the time the big finale song was being sung by the distraught mother, as her two sons lay dead on the floor I was absolutely sobbing.
That must have triggered something...
I've suddenly become one of THOSE people - who cry at the smallest things when watching things either on the telly, or in the cinema...

I cried when me and polly went and saw Billy Elliot and he sang a song reading from a letter his dead mother had left him (Polly says I was the only person in the theatre crying at that bit and laughed at me. I CAN'T HAVE BEEN!)

I cried when I watched the Notebook...

I had to sit with my scarf stuffed in my mouth to stop myself from sobbing out loud, when me and mumma went to watch Marley and Me and poor old Marley had to be put to sleep (though to be fair you could hear people sobbing from all around us...)

Myself and my cousin Devon got all teary watching a documentary round our grandparents the other week, there was a baby seal who's mum had abandoned it, it kept going up to other seals and trying to nuzzle them for milk and being batted away :(

And the worse was the other week, when home alone, late at night, for some mad reason I decided to watch 'The boy in the striped pyjamas' - It was horrific. I was just a sobbing heap on my sofa, so much so I was tempted to turn it off, but I only had 15 minutes left, so I watched it - was made even more upset by the fact they ended up dying, then was too traumatised to go to bed so stayed up watching my Family Guy DVD for most of the night, to calm myself down and think happy thoughts...

But then I don't just cry easily at emotional stuff..
I cry with laugher, So easily...
To the point where I only need to giggle a little bit and my eyes fill up...
And then people say "Oh my god, you're actually CRYING with laughter!"
And I have to wipe my eyes and say "Argh, I cry so easily when I laugh, even when it's not even that funny"
Although it is a bad thing, crying so easily - because it makes it look like I find simple things really funny.. (okay I do..)
It's also good...I love a good laugh, I find it just the most stress-relieving relaxing thing.
Ocasionally it backfires...

Like once at Superdrug, I was on tills with Simon and Curly...and I got the giggles.
I got the giggles real bad.
To the point where I was pretty much laughing in customers faces...
I had to keep apologising for my laugher..
My voice kept wobbling as I spoke and I had to keep doing small coughs and apologising and repeating myself..
Luckily, you get the customers who take it and laugh along with you...
But you always get the ones that are most disapproving...

Unfortunately for me, laughter always seems to strike at the wrong moment, and it's when you are aware that it is at the wrong moment, that it is made even harder to control.
Take the other night for instance, I went out with some people from my course, we started out at Lloyds and then went onto Thursdays, between the group of us we varied between sober to absolutely wasted...
4 of us were in the taxi home, 2 of us were left..Myself and Niland (who was on the slightly drunker end of the scale) - Unfortunately we had ended up with one of those taxi drivers that is lacking a  sense of humour, and was rather short tempered with us. He headed for my road and turned a sharp corner, at which point Niland shot off her pull down seat and ended up in a heap on the floor, without being able to stop herself.
As if I wasn't amused neough by that, the taxi driver instantly slammed his brakes on, turned around in his seat and furiously asked 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?!!!'
I completely lost it, unfortunately being the most sober of the two of us I had to apologise and say 'I'm so sorry...she fell out her seat as you went round the corner...'
Even though it was more 'Hahahahahaha I'm - so so-so-sorry, hahahahah she - she - hahahahaha she fell out her seat - hahahahahaha as you went round the corner hahahahahahahahahahaha'

He did not appear to have a sense of humour...
Nor to be the kind of person that liked people...
Least of all giggling people...
Which to be fair...
Just made it even funnier.
Muhahahahaha.

Loves
xx

Life as a Single Singleton. Take me out...to Sheiks (or not..)

"Taz...there's a girl in my class who is going to be running a thing like 'Take me out....'
*Silence as I pour my soup into a bowl...*
"It's going to be called 'Take me out to Shieks...'.."
*Silence as I eat a few spoonfuls of it (I like cold soup, I know - weird)*
"Like take me out but you go on a date to Shieks..."
*Silence as I put it in the microwave...*
"They need Ten boys and Ten girls..."
"Right...where is it held?"
"Down the SU...."
"Is there loads of people there?"
"Only people who come and support you..."
"Right...when's this...?"
"Not til April, do you want an application form?....."

Conversation with the housemate approx. 16.30 this afternoon.

And so this is apparently what my current lack of love life has come to.
*Sigh*
I will have to hope that I fall lucky by April.
I cringe at the thought of it.
Especially those final questions...

"If you were a Disney Character who would you be?"
"Umm...Dory from finding Nemo...Because I'm unintentionally forgetful and easily confused..."

"If you were a Harry Potter Character who would you be?"
"Ummm...Neville Longbottom...Because I'm unintentionally forgetful and easily confused..."

"If you were an animal, what would you be?"
"Umm... A Goldfish...Because I'm unintentionally forgetful and easily confused..."

You see where I am going with this.

Hmmmm.

I'm not sure if I care enough about being single to go on a fake version of a TV show that I sit mocking whenever it's on the telly..."Honestly how would you resort to something like this?!"
Though saying that having someone would be lovely.
Even to be saved from the conversation with my grandparents that is coming oh so predictable.

"So Tazzie...have you not got yourself a boyfriend yet?"
"No...Not yet..."
"Are you not really interested in boys then?"
"No, No! I am! - I just haven't met anyone special yet..."
"You will love...you will"

Thing is, it's so complicated nowadays, you can't always (or always want to....) explain it...
It's not just a case of 'either being in a relationship where you are completely involved with a guy...or not being in a relationship and therefore having nothing to do with any guys at all'.

There's a getting with someone on a night out for no reason other than you are drunk and getting on well and it's all funny and silly and harmless...(or in my mums term: snogging. Which I must say is the worst word ever. urgh) - Been there done that.

There's the liking someone but them not liking you in that way... - Been there done that.

There's the someone liking you but you not being keen on them.. - Been there done that.

There's the times you think you might like someone and then it fizzles out...- Been there done that.

...or it doesn't fizzle out, then you end up so confused and annoyed by it all, it does fizzle out because it's not worth the hassle... - Been there done that.

There's the times you come close to getting close with someone and then freak yourself out at the thought of it becoming anything more than what it is and so you abandon ship... - Been there done that.

See.
Confusing Shiz.
How can I possibly put that into words?
My best bet is a simple "No not yet..."
And hopefully one day it will be a "As a matter of fact yes..." (Dear god please make it soon for my own sanity...)

Not that I ever would say "As a matter of fact...."

When it happens, it happens.
If it means I have to spend Valentines day down the pub with my equally single housemate for now...so be it ;)

It'll happen when it happens...

Loves
xx

2012, Going INSANE...And nose piercings.

This is my first post of 2013...Woohooooo!
I kinda thought that 2012 hadn't been THAT much of an interesting year,  however reading back over some of my old posts...it really has... (I've even linked them up to the relevant blog post for your own viewing pleasure...)
Moving house,  Getting lost-memory level of drunk for the first time, Dealing with difficult silly customers... and the Exploding-Dry-Shampoo-At-Work incident...(Which for some reason is my most viewed and most commented on post yo' crazy fools!)
So yes, Interesting times I suposeee..

I'm back at Uni now, and I am so determined to do well this semester - Last semester drove (is that even a word?! It doesn't look right) me absolutely insane. Insane to the point of 'I would rather fail this semester than perform this piece of work,'...Insane to the point of 'I cannot finish this essay, it is literally impossible. I just cannot do it.', Insane to the point of 'Why the fuck am I studying Drama, its probably going to get  me nowhere, I wish I was training to be a primary school teacher.'
Sounds depressing I know. I was just working too darn hard.
Unfortunately I am one of those people that tries to do as much as possible, I guess as the saying goes 'I bit off more than I could chew' - How I did not end up going mad I do not know. For example one day I did Superdrug 09.00-13.00, Production rehearsals 13.30-17.30, Clowning rehearsals 17.30-20.30 and then Lloyds 21.00-00.00 - looking back on it now, it's no wonder that I was constantly stressed, crashing out at every moment I got and crying either in the morning when I woke up and realised what a long day ahead of me I had when I was already so tired, or crying at night when I got in from work at 02.00 in the morning and had to set my alarm to go off in another 5 hours...
However, Luckily we get crazy long holidays at Uni, So on the wednesday morning after 4 hours sleep (by the time I realised I COULD write this essay, it was 23.00 the night before hand in...) I handed in my essay, did a 10.00-20.00 at Superdrug and then a 20.30-01.00 at Lloyds got home and crashed out safe in the knowledge I had nooo Uni for another 4 weeks.

Boy that break was GOOD. I am back now and am already feeling so much happier with it all, I am loving this semester, I am enjoying the classes, happy with the my groups and I even enjoyed the lecture, feel really excited and inspired by it all, and am again realising why I chose theatre as a degree - I love it! So all good! I am determined to stay upbeat and positive by it all and even more determined not to get as run down as I did at the end of last year and just balance things out a bit more.  I was not a fan of Ratty-Snappy-Unreaonable-Tearful-Exhausted-Negative Tasmin...which is why she will not be coming back again...Woohoo!

In other news.. BA BA BA BOOOOOOOM: I FINALLY GOT MY NOSE PIERCED. YAAAAAAY.
I've been saying for ages I want to get it done, the amount of times I stood in front of my mirror with eyeliner dotted on my nose trying to work out it would suit me or not...well I finally decided to go for it and I love it! I went down there with Housie Hannah yesterday morning, bit of a disaster when I realised halfway there that both my debit cards and my ID were in my other bag from when we went out tuesday night, So I had to turn around and go back...But eventually I got there!
Luckily Hannah came in with me and asked the right quetions about Needles and Guns and Sterile equipment, stuff that hadn't even crossed my mind, because in my head I was in a mild state of hysteria over the idea of something being jammed through my nose...even though I SO wanted it done.
So I sat there and the nice lady explained everything to me, then she clamped my nose and kinda pulled it outwards in the most undignified manner, I had to shut my eyes. There was no way I wanted to see what was about to be shoved through my nose....I felt something nudging against my nose and then BAM. 'Ooooooooh owwwwwwwwwwwww argh!.......ahhhahahaaammmph!' - It hurt.
I felt in control of the situation (just about) until she let go of my nose to get the stud and said 'It will still fele uncomfortable just for a moment as you've still got the tube going through your nose..' - That was enough to gross me out, the fact that I was sitting there with my eyes jammed shut and a tube impaled through my nose, urgh.
She then had to stick my a finger up my nose to screw it in, for some mad reason I found myself apologising to HER.
"Sorry i'm just going to have to put my finger up your nose to screw it in..."
"Don't worry! I feel more sorry for you having to put your finger up my nose!"
"Its fine trust me, I have to do a lot worse!"

Which looking at the price list and list of places to get pierced did not suprise me...how can anyone get THAT pierced?! ooft!

Anyway she screwed the stud on and the pain started fading away pretty much instantly. I am soo pleased with it...was worthwhile despite the pain...

And I even got a yellow lollipop for being such a brave girl....

Loves
xx  (Also if you could please give me a little comment (either on here or through the link on FaceyB) or a 'like' - Just so I can see who is reading :) I always see my views go up but never really know who or when...You don't have to...but if you did...that'd be nice ;) ) xx

Reflections, High School Bullies and being a personnnnnn.

So I’ve been feeling all reflective as of late.

Not in an ‘Omg I can’t believe it’s the end of 2012 bring on 2013 New Year new me!’ kind of way, that everyone becomes a fan of round about this time. Reflective of life.

Recently I’ve been chatting to my high school girlies and remembering times from being at school. At the time we hated it, it was school of course we did! But looking back I have some pretty funny memories: The RS teacher who had an so unreasonable-it-was-hilarious disliking for me, Getting sent out of science for laughing after Sophie pointed out our teacher looked like action man, Water fights, The ridiculous arguments we used to all have, stopping off at Sainsbury’s on the way home for 25p bars of chocolate, The secret house parties we used to have and the mad dash to tidy up before we were discovered….There are so many!! Everything was taken so seriously back then, but looking back on it, we had so little to worry about. Now with Uni and work and rent-paying and all this grown-up stuff, I sometimes wish I could go back to those days – even though at the time I’d have given anything to skip a few years and be where I am at now, Nineteen, able to go out drinking and living away from home – obviously at that time I thought about the fun side of it (which there is of course, massively so!) but didn’t really think about the scary grown-up side of it.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days, but really I would rather have the complicated grown-up side of life, if it also involves being able to be independent and go on nights out and do my own thing – Plus I think I’ve changed so much as a person, I’m much happier with who I am now, If I could go back even 4/5 years I would tell my younger self to stick up for herself a bit more and to have so, so, SO much more self-belief! High school was fun, yes – but it also brought on a whole load of insecurities, especially about how I looked, being called names is something that everyone probably goes through at some point or another, but looking back on it now I got SO much stick, maybe at the time I didn’t want to accept it, so wouldn’t let it seem as bad it was but boy was I called some names: Ghost, Zombie, Fish, Frog, Dobby, Hammer-head shark – All to do with my appearance, in particular my eyes and the fact that they were Big/Scary/Far Apart … I use to hate it and would wear eyeliner to try and make them look smaller, which thinking about it now is ridiculous. Now I think F U and wear my make-up exactly to highlight the fact I have big eyes! Looking back on it I get SO annoyed that people managed to make me feel so bad about myself, no one has the right to do that! I wish more than anything that I had stuck up for myself and stood my ground and fought my battles instead of not sticking up for myself and letting them get me down – to be fair I never showed that they got me down, only on occasions I would get upset – the rest of the time I was just the same, silly, clumsy scatter-brain that I am now – I just felt that it was better to ignore it…that way I could pretend it wasn’t happening.

I’m definitely more confident as a person now – I think doing Drama and Performing Arts at Sixth form helped me with this immensely, the fact I was suddenly surrounded by a group of people all with the same passion (and levels of insanity) as me really, really helped – Joining Bench Theatre helped as well for the same reasons and ditto to going on to University!! When you are suddenly away from anyone who drags you down and surrounded by people all with the same mind-set and passion as you, really gives you a boost and that confidence to just be yourself! Not going to lie, I still get insecure about stuff sometimes, like at work a few months back people were saying what kind of animal we would be, It was decided I would be a ‘Goldfish’ – as soon as I heard mention of that word the alarm bells were up and that dreaded feeling was back…Oh god is it because I look like a fish?! Do they think that as well?! Arghhh! – But it wasn’t. It was because of my (then) Orange hair and my lack of memory. Fair enough. It’s just about learning that not everyone is against you and just because one group of people had bad views on you, doesn’t mean that every single person in the world does. Now if anyone annoys me or makes me feel down, or even if I don’t agree with something small that they are saying then I will tell them. I say what I think, fight my case and put people in their place if I don’t like the way I am being spoken to (take that drunk customers at work) – because it’s your life, you are who you are and no-one has the right to make you feel bad about ANYTHING.

So there.

Humph.

Phewww.

New Year’s Eve tonight – Wooohoo!

Have a good one everyone J

Loves

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (yes I am feeling more kisses than normal…and what?!) xxx