Moving out, Sleep-Shouting, My Best friend and Birthdays....

So it's starting to hit me that I'm going to be moving out of home in just a few months...
I am Super Duper excited by this concept, like...extremely so, albeit (I learnt the meaning of that word whilst performing in 'Daisy Pulls it Off' and have since used it whenever I can to sound intelligent) extremely nervous.

I'm looking forward to being a five minute walk away from Uni, a ten minute walk away from one job and fifteen from another, to being able to go out without worrying about giving an ETA as to when I will be home, not having to worry about being back for dinner, not to have to get in after a drunk night out as quietly as possible and have to answer friendly questions in the morning about my night when I am still feeling in the curl-up-and-die stage, to be able to sneak down in the night for a crisp sandwhich if the mood takes me without worrying about waking anyone up...or pup barking and giving me away, to not having to sprint for the train every morning or having a 7am wake up for a 9am start....

However some things are still worrying me...like - when I go to sleepovers etc I sometimes tend to shout/panic in my sleep...Like when 5 of us slept in a 2 man tent in hoovers back garden and I woke up panicking and shrieking and she had to rub my back and soothe me like a two year old til I snapped out of it, Or when we went to Hungary and I had to share a double bed with polly and she woke up to me struggling down the end of the bed declaring I was 'lost' and had to guide me back to my pillow, or when I slept round charlottes house and she woke up to me scrabbling against the wall, or when about 15 of us slept in sophies lounge and I panicked everyone by half dozing off and then suddenly screaming because the door was going 'to fall on me'....you get the general idea...I hope that being in a new strange place at first, wont cause this to happen too much, even now occasionally the mumma has to check I am okay due to random shoutings or panics...hopefully I will either grow out of it...or the housemates will accept the fact they live with a sleep-nutter and deal with it ;)

It's just other little things that I am slightly anxious about...like...what if I am home alone and there is a moth in my room, or a spider in the bath, or somethings making a strange noise?
I'll miss not being able to climb onto the mummas bed and have chats with her in the evening, or grab pup and give her a squeezy hug...
I'm not too worried about things like cooking...I can cope with that (apart from using a tin-opener...never could get the hang of them...), or cleaning ( I know i'm a slob but I do tidy up!)
Anyway unless I become rich, I will be back home in 2 years anyway...mwahahahahahaaaa....

I am really suffering from Best-Friend withdrawal symptoms at the moment, I haven't seen the bestest for 4 weeks and I'm not too sure how this has happened...we're both just constantly busy, i'm always at Uni or working and she has a full time job, so it's manic. Luckily we have that kind of friendship where it doesn't matter at all, we 'bbm' and facebook every single day which is a huge relief...It's weird...I read a quote the other day about friendship..saying it's not the people who you have known the longest, but the people who you know will never leave you...or something like that...and this is so true with me and the bestest. We've only known eachother for 5 years...and for the first year we didn't chat all that much, we were just at the same theatre company together...but then during one show...an event occured that caused us both to reach the point of literally sobbing with laughter ONSTAGE... and we haven't looked back since. I think the key point to a good friendship is the ability to just 'get' eachother, we have the ability to tune in on how the other is feeling just from a few words in a message....whether we are out getting absolutely wasted, or eating marmite on toast in our pyjamas watching disney films in silent, we just click. We have had so many amazing times over the years, (the quote 'the best memories come from the worst ideas' definetely applies)...and we talk about our future with marriage/kids/jobs/holidays etc that might not occur for another 5/10/15/20 years, just assuming we will still be in eachothers lifes. A friendship like that is TRULY special...and I am going to STOP now because I am probably getting boring with my slushy gushyness and you probably lost interest about 10 lines back (I can see you dozing at the back there.....)

It's my birthday on Wednesday...to be fair..I'm not really that fussed...at first I thought 19 seemed old...but now, it's really not...I'm just enjoying whatever age I am and whatever it is it nrings...However it does mean I am having to be boring this weekend as I am hitting brighton next saturday night..it will be worth it..it's just not feeling too fun right now!!!

Loves
xx

P.S - Hopefully I will have some good news this week...watch this space...

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar - A classy Chi night out.....

Pre Message before the main feature ;) :


Mwello everyone! Can I just say at risk of sounding like a cringey drunk popstar making their winners speech at the Brit Awards (though no one will be interrupting me....) - Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading my blogs! I have something like 980 page views, which is just crazy, so thank you to everyone who has been following my ramblings! I've had some really lovely messages/emails/comments from people saying that they have been enjoying them...so thank you! Its nice to know I'm not just typing to myself! A couple of people have also suggested I should write a book, considering that I can barely tell you the difference between a pronoun and an adverb, this could be an issue - but then it's a good idea to keep as many options open as possible, so yes. I may give it a shot...watch this space!
xx


...........


So, Me and Fiona went for a night out Friday night, we both had been feeling a bit crazy busy and hectic really so just wanted a bog standard get-drunk-eat-kebab-dance-like-crazy kind of night out, which we did...
We went to Lloyds AKA where I work...as pre-planned and went and got our first round of drinks, this round included a 'Skittle shot' which I had served to someone when I had been working a couple of days before and really wanted to try out...jeebers...the shot itself tasted fine but the BURNING as it went down...ooft, you could literally feel it working its way down...
Anyway so we sat in this booth and were chatting away when some guy approached us...
He asked if we would like to chat to an irish guy (him)...why not...so he sat with us...and introduced himself as Dan....He sat and chatted to us for a bit and then his friend came over (who wasn't irish...)...
Dan: This is my friend...Dan....
Me/Fi: Oh so you're both called Dan?
Dan: No he is Dan, My name is Dan...but I get called Ben......


"eh?! okay, well we'll just call you paddy" - Standard.
So I had Ben/Dan/Paddy (BDP) next to me, whilst Fiona was next to Dan...
I don't know how it happened, but suddenly BDP was showing me pictures on his phone...of his pet cat....there was a lot of them....an awful lot...


BDP: So do you have any pets?
Me: Yes quite a few
BDP: What are their namess?
Me: (sigh) Ummm I have a puppy called Doris....and then Two rabbits called Wilbur and Ginny...A Guinea Pig called fluff and some fish....
BDP: Lets have a look...
Me: Okay well um....Thats Doris and her cousin Albert...Thats Wilbur and Ginny...Ummm I haven't got any pictures of the fish....


Meanwhile Fiona was the otherside of the table being spoken to by Dan....about everyones favourite subject on a night out...Shakespeare...and what his favourites were....fackin hell. Cue a quick escape to the toilets to phone the Bestest and fill her in on the nights current disaster, before casually returning downstairs to discover Dan and BDP had swapped seats, like some dodgey speed dating...
It turned out that they were apparently 22 and 25 and physics teachers or something equally odd....


Dan: So what d0 you do?
Me: I'm at Uni doing drama....
Dan:  Yeah so what do you do?
Me: Ummmmm work, Uni, Do a theatre company, go out drinking...ummm
Dan: So what other subjects do you do...
(bearing in mind all these conversations are happening in a bar with music blaring, people dancing and having fun and alcohol.....)
Me:...Nothing I'm at Uni, I just do the one subject...Drama.
Dan: So....do you not think....is it not...a bit of a waste really...I mean...Drama?
(anyone who knows me knows that I am ADAMANT that Drama is not a waste, its a passion and where I want to go in life...lets not go there!)
Me: No.......not at all...I either wanna go to Drama school or be a Drama teacher or something...
Dan: Have you got a work placement....
Me: A work placement?!....No....
Dan: You wanna be a teacher and you haven't even got a placement yet?


Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakin' 'Ell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Meanwhile across the table a VERY uncomfortable looking Fiona was having a slimy BDP hand creeping up her thigh and declaring: This ones got the green light *creepy wink*
Cue our escape to the bar and dance floor (a comment about our drinking was the final straw...whats wrong with drinking a pitcher of cocktail out the jug with a straw? Its cheap...sorry we can't all be super intelligent classy 'physics teachers'....)
After a few more drinks and whilst waiting for Fiona I tried to explain the whole situation to my work friends...who were working (believe it or not...) however it was all so bizarre it was just passed off as me being drunk...Okay I was drunk, but it really was all that weird!!


Once we were finished at Lloyds we went to the height of sophistication that is 'Thursdays'...after a kebab and a long bus wait we finally got there...seriously...what a place, we just wanted a good dance, I decided to leave my coat in a corner so I wouldnt have to pay for the cloakroom...by the time I got back from the bar the Bouncer had taken it...doh. I must say it took me a while to get into it...sometimes I dont care and just go along with it, but that night everytime some guy was dancing behind me (I hate the way they grind against you without even seeing your face..) I just wanted to punch their lights out, Like I said, sometimes I just laugh it off and go along with it but they just felt too much like they were in my space...the best fun was with the people that we just got chatting too and had a laugh with!!


We then got on the Bus back to Bognor at 03:00 to be told that this bus was going to Chichester, the last to Bognor was at 01.40 - Shiiiiiiiit. After whimpering that we had no money for a taxi and oh what were we going to do? The nice Bouncer/Bus man told us that he lived more or less round the corner to Fiona, so he gave us a lift home free of charge, it was perhaps a bit silly of us, but he seemed nice enough and by this point we were drunk and knackered... so he dropped us home without any issues at all, which was a major relief and very kind of him...thank you Mr. Bus man!


So...Yes...A standard classy chichester night out indeed ;)
Plus Marmite on Toast and family guy in bed the next morning was just the needed cure...even better!!


Loves
xxx

Anywhere but here...

I have been sitting in my dining room attempting to Essay write since 10.00 this morning. I am getting there, extremely slowly, but surely. During this time I have been distracted by:

Food
My weekly Heat magazine arriving
Chris Moyles on Loose Women
Three Loads of washing
Smashing a plate of chicken
Cleaning spilt milk out of my rug...

Okay so it doesn't sound like I've done much...But I have..I really have...

My feet are cold and I'm going numb from sitting down for so long...
I can't help but wish I was here....

Or here....

Or this looks nice...

Even HERE would do...as long as there were no fish in the water...and it was warm...

Easily distracted? Moi??...Never.......

Loves xx

AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND RELAX.

Wow....It's a Sunday morning...it's 08:55 and I have NOTHING to get up for...No Superdrug, No University...nothing. Been feeling a bit run down recently, I think the moment of realisation came when a week thursday just gone I wailed to the mumma that I wasn't going to have a day off of nothingness until a week sundaaaaaaaaaay. And now a week sunday is here and I'm in bed all snug and warm..or in terms that only the bestest could understand "I'm so hptbh"
:]
Okay I do have rehearsals 12.00-14.00, but its 5 minutes away from where I live and for something of great fun-ness so I hardly see it as a chore....


We went out for a meal yesterday to celebrate Nans birthday...and I again realised that I have THE LOUDEST family in the world, literally, I love family occasions and ADORE my family, but earmuffs and a couple of paracetemol are highly recommended...Anyway halfway through this meal the mumma announced that "Everyone Tasmins got an announcement to make" - Cue 9 faces instantly turning to look at me...and me instantly wanting to clam up..."Oh muuum...um - well..argh, I dont DO public speaking!!" ..."Pretend you're an actress!" (Thanks Grandad...) - I think when you do acting people automatically assume that you can happily speak in front of loads and loads of people and shouldn't care...maybe it's just me..But I would rather perform a play in front of a million people, than make a speech as myself in front of a thousand people...I find them two COMPLETELY different experiences...one a lot scarier and less fun than the other)


"Well....Um i'm not doing Camp America now til next year, i've found a house to move into so i'm going to do that instead...."


...."So whats the news then?....."


"Umm, that I'm moving out?"


"Why didn't you just say...guys..I'm moving out then?" (That was from BigCousin-BigMouth...who I absolutely love...but who is much better at being outspoken than myself.....)


Luckily the mumma jumped in and began explaining myself for me, leaving me and my pudding in peace...(which is all I wanted from life at that moment!!)..well as peaceful as can be with my family!


Thankfully I find it easy to explain myself through writing (you may have realised...) soooo here goes:


Basically me and the housemates went to a house viewing on Thursday...We'd been told that the house was in a bit of a state but was going to be refurbished ready for us to move in, with cream carpets and neutral walls etc - we've had some pretty bad housing viewing experiences in the last couple of  weeks (literally how four boys could have lived in one house we saw was just completely beyond us...) - but as soon as we got inside this house we just fell in love with it, it used to be a family house so we would be the first students living in it...but it was huuuge, there was so much space everywhere and an lovely sized garden, it had everything we wanted and more...
The only issue being that the contract started in June..........when I was in America......meaning I would be paying for 3 months for a house that I couldn't live in...oh. Something I really really could not afford to do.
After a meeting with me farva in town, in which he gave me chocolate milkshake and many a words of wisdom, we reached the conclusion that I would be better off postponing America, I would have all the time in the world to go travelling etc once I was to finish University...but this housing thing sounded too good to give up on, its not too expensive...a 5 minute walk from the uni...and just amazing...we're already planning BBQs...Parties...Cutlery...Food shopping...Maintaining the garden....Pictures for the wall...!


So although I am of course slightly disappointed about not doing America this year, the concept of living in the house (with three amazing girlies) is a lot more exciting and worthwhile...luckily I've been allowed to transfer my place to next year....So I will definitely be doing it then....and if it comes to it and I can't...I'm thinking travelling is definitely on the horizone after uni!


Exciting times indeeeeeed!... eeeeep!
Loves
xx

Drama-nessy, Bench Theatre-Appreciationy, Looking aheady, Slightly delirious with tirednessy chit-chatty...

Wow. It's offical. I'm the worst blogger going...
Thing is, when I started blogging, I was determined that I was only going to write about my views on things, anything I felt like talking about that came into my head or about anything exciting that had happened and that I wouldn't just turn it into a 'virtual diary' type thing, in which I just write about crap, like what I had for dinner, how I've styled my hair and other boring information that quite frankly, even I wouldn't want to write about!

Sooooo with that little speech given, I should be going on to write about something amazing and inspirational with life - changing views and all kinds of drama, however due to a particularly exciting bench after show party (which resulted in a 5 am finish and 8.45 am wakeup)...I'm feeling slightly (and a bit more than usual) brain-mushed, so please forgive me, I'm plannning on getting through today in a zombie like state.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do recently. I had a bit of drama a couple of weeks back when I decided I didnt like my uni course, I was all set to walk out and get a work aprenti-wotsit,  however I think this was due to over-tiredness and slight stress, However i'm now back on track with it all and loving it again, which is a huge relief as I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to do if I did just leave. Whenever people ask me what I want to do when I'm older, I always say 'Something Drama-y'...which is kinda obvious I guess...however what I really want to be...lets be perfectly honest...is an actress. Either on television or in movies, I just love the whole idea of it and find it extremely exciting. However I understand that this is not an easy option. I know lots of people are very critical when it comes to performing arts and wanting to be in that kind of career...and I also understand it's not at all easy to get into...also the fact that I have never wanted to be seen as one of those showy-offy, slightly delusional "Oh yes i'm gonna be a famous actress and live in a mansion with Johnny Depp and everyone will love me and wahh wahh wahh" types means I watch what I say...if it wasn't for chosing Drama in a final " I've got one more option box to fill...Drama or Art" 14 year old decision, I wouldn't even be doing any of this stuff...which is pretty scary considering my life seems to revolve around it now!

What I tend to say is after Uni i'm going to audition for Drama school and if I don't get in then I will do a PGCE and be a drama teacher, which is pretty much my plan, and sounds slightly less pretentious I guess. But then being a member of Bench Theatre...has made me realise that it doesn't have to be about the fame and being recognised, at the end of it it comes down to the basics, passion for performing and working with amazing, talented people to put on productions...it also shows there is more to it than just learning your lines and going on stage/screen...take for example last Sunday and we had the get-in for Seafarer, the majority of cast and crew were at the theatre at 08.00, setting up for a tech rehearsal, we don't have people who work at the theatre who do it for us...we do everything ourselves, get up ladders changing lights, Painting set, building set, setting lights and sound...I mean hell...I even found myself at the top of a 'just-been-made' set of wooden steps using huge power tools to drill in nails and screws and all kind of scary things...and its times like that that I think that it doesn't have to be about the big stuff, it's more about the sense of achievement you feel when you've spent a 13 hour day preparing for a show which is met with such high appreciation from the audience...and you're doing what you love with people that you love (cos lets be honest they are all pretty lovely ;]) .....

(still if a hollywood contract pops up anytime soon thats not to suggest that I'd turn it down...in fact..I would quite appreciate it......anyone......?)

Loves xx

Updaaaaaaate

Defenitely not been as dedicated to my blogs recently, I was told when I started writing blogs 'Give it 3 months and you will be bored of it...' - I guess it like when you start trying to write a diary, whenever I have tried in the past I have always got a week or two in and then got so bored of it I've given up, which I'm determined not to do with it. Some peoples who blog I follow have been writing it for a good few years, I may do that, I may not...depends what else attracts my attention in the mean time. Everythings been a bit hectic recently and crazily busy, however I now have a week off uni for 'reading', So will be lovely to chill and just get everything sorted that I need to do without majorly rushing.

Had a night out last night, After being 40 minutes late the Bestest arrived, who was followed by Fi an hour or so later, I don't know if it was because of my previous night out drinking fiasco (see a couple of blogs back...) , but I was just finding it really hard to stomach what I was drinking, I wasn't being sick at all, it just seemed every mouthful made me want to heave slightly and it all felt a bit of a struggle. However I still managed to do a fair amount of drinking and dancing...followed by a trip to Dominos for Potato Wedges (never tasted so good)...after failing to convince Mcdonalds Drive-Thru to serve us (issue being we didnt have a car)...We tried speaking into the speaker, we tried the three of us standing in a line under the entrance in case there was a sensor that picked up on heaviness and let them know when a car was coming (?!?!!!) and we tried asking nicely, but it still didn't work. Still Dominoes was waaaaaaay nicer ;]

Me and the Bestest were shocked to hear about Whitney Houston dying when we got home, Bestest read it on twitter but considering according to twitter last week Eddie Murphy had died (Donkey....Nooooo!) we didn't believe it too much, however within the next ten minutes Twitter and Facebook were covered in messages and statuses and a couple of jokes of a very bad taste which I don't like very much at all, so it became obvious it was true. I'm not one of those people who as soon as a celebrity dies, begin claiming to have loved them and them being my favourite and crying and so on so forth though (although I did feel slightly choked up when they played 'I will always love you' on the music channel earlier). But I do like a lot of her songs, she's got an amazing voice and it's all pretty powerful stuff, lyrically as well as vocally (I really like the lyrics to One Moment in time) - So I have enjoyed listening to her music today...Guess it's similar with Michael Jackson and Amy Winehouse, just have to hope that they are remembered for their music and not neccesarily just all the issues and downfalls surrounding their deaths. However I also appreciate that so many people die every day under so many different tragic circumstances who don't get all the press coverage etc, I guess that's just what happens when you're someone who's music and inspired millions of people for years and years.

Anyway other quick bits of newsss:

• Camp America - Wooo it's all getting official now, paid my £100 dedication fee, gotta fill in some scary sounding paperwork, re-apply for a passport and get placed and then I'm sorted!
• House hunting - Viewed a couple of places, no luck yet, got some more potential viewings so fingers crossed we find somewhere nice and fairly cheap!
• Driving - Still practising, still having ups and downs, considering postponing test as so much going on, but we shall see..
• Girl in the Corner - Had another rehearsal today, but still think it is going to be very fun to do, I met the corner today in which I will be standing in for most of the play waiting to come on, it's a very very dark corner, it's a very small corner behind the curtains, and it's ever so slightly scary..still what else is there apart from standing in a dark, small space that you feel slightly spooked in to get you in the zone of a mental, distressed, evil dead girl ghost??

I believe that's all :)

Loves
xx

Strange dreams and scary (and exciting!!) times...

For some reason I keep having dreams that have left me waking up feeling slightly spooked out and strange feeling. Normally when I dream its absolute random crap that I can't even remember when I wake up, but in the last couple of weeks I've had some not to nice ones..
Like a week or so back, I dreamt I was walking through Havant town and ahead of me I could see a teenage girl walking The Doris (why she was walking my pup whilst I walked behind I do not know), only she was dragging her along by her lead...normally when she's walked she whizzes off ahead (well as far as her extendable lead will take her before she remembers she is attached and can't go any further), but this time she was being dragged along with such aggression, the girl was pulling at her lead and yanking it so hard that poor pups feet (or paws..) were leaving the floor, I was trying to catch up with her because I was terrified that she was going to break my poor babys neck or something, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get to her....

Then the other night I dreamt that I was in hospital heavily pregnant, but something was wrong with my baby, everytime the doctor came in and I thought that they were about to tell me what was wrong they would perform another test on me and not tell me what was happening and whether my baby was okay, something that made me feel sick. Woke up feeling slightly freaked out, considering I'm not a mum yet, I'm not pregnant and I have never (and hopefully never will be) been in the position of losing my baby; the fact that I had felt such strong emotions in my dream really made me feel odd. So odd in fact that I had to do a search on what my dream could possibly have meant. Things I read gave the idea that I am perhaps currently going through big changes in my life, that I am perhaps feeling anxious about.Well that answers it then (though why my brain had to do it in such a horrible way I don't know!); Got some major stuff going on as you know I have been accepted for Camp America, although I am excited it is something that is not cheap to do (although I get most of it back) so I am being extra cautious when spending money at the moment.

 I am also learning to drive which is scary but exciting, I have been practising in my mums car which has been a huge help!... I'm moving house for second year as well...I've met my new house mates who are so lovely and I am really excited...It's just making me anxious thinking about rent and bills and all scary grown up stuff...but it will also be amazing and super duper fun...so I'm excited - so yes no wonder my brain is all over the place at the moment...

However on a more positive note, we (meaning some of us from Bench Theatre) begin rehearsing for 'Girl in the Corner' soon which we are performing at Totten, I'm playing 'The Girl in the Corner' which I am super excited about, Its set in a mental asylum and I  basically get to sneak around in a black cloak and pale face looking as pale and scary as possible, standing in the shadows of the stage and making the audience jump, which should be amazing fun!!

Also...I have just joined the world of twitter, I tried it a while back and didnt really understand it and all the @ing buisness, it seemed a bit pointless...but now I am well and truly hooked, since yesterday I have started following 85 people, Facebooks become so dull recently, Twitter is definitely starting to take its place in my brain...sorry Facebook - you're just too weird now. The only thing I am struggling with is the concept of only being able to talk in 140 characters, sometimes I have to seriously cut down on what I am saying...which is never easy...

:)
Loves xx